Dating Someone 30 Years Younger Than You

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Is it okay to date someone who is 30 years older than me?
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My partner of almost three years is 30 years younger than me. I’m about to retire and she is mid-career. I used to worry about the age difference and would remind her that when I’m 70 and slowing down physically, she will only be 40. She says that it’s her choice, she loves me unconditionally and is aware of the ageing process. She is from a different culture to me but fortunately, her mother and her relatives accept me without judgement.
I’m still quite young and playful at heart and my partner tells me she is a mature woman trapped in a young body. So the age gap doesn’t feel so big in practi
My partner of almost three years is 30 years younger than me. I’m about to retire and she is mid-career. I used to worry about the age difference and would remind her that when I’m 70 and slowing down physically, she will only be 40. She says that it’s her choice, she loves me unconditionally and is aware of the ageing process. She is from a different culture to me but fortunately, her mother and her relatives accept me without judgement.
I’m still quite young and playful at heart and my partner tells me she is a mature woman trapped in a young body. So the age gap doesn’t feel so big in practice. We have had to get used to disapproving looks from some people when we’re out in public. Some assume she is my daughter from a mixed race marriage, until we hold hands across the table or walk arm in arm, then people realise we are a couple. The disapproving looks and whispers used to bother me but not now.
Sometimes our age difference becomes evident when I mention a moment in history that was within my lifetime and she has no knowledge of it. Or I might talk about a famous rock star or actor and she asks, “Who?” That takes me by surprise sometimes and I feel the age gap. Overall, we get along very well, she is low maintenance and we have a very stress free relationship. Low stress is very important to me at my time of life and our relationship is very trusting, loyal and relaxed.
So in answer to your question, yes, it’s ok to date someone 30 years older than you, provided you can accept the differences in outlook because of the difference in experience of life. You also have to accept judgement and criticism from other people. If you get along well, despite the age gap and you both enjoy the relationship, then go ahead and to hell with what other people might think.
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Updated 2 years ago · Author has 812 answers and 1M answer views
Many years ago, I fell in love with a lady 29 years older than me. The short story is that even though she was perfect in every way back then, knowing myself to have the wanderlust, I decided to spare us both the heartache of my cheating on her as she got older when the physical appearances would be even more apparent. I did not like that about myself, back then. Now, in hindsight, I believe my choice was the best logical choice.
The thing is that I still think of her fondly and if my older mind could be transplanted into that younger me, sometimes I think I would have stayed. But even though I
Many years ago, I fell in love with a lady 29 years older than me. The short story is that even though she was perfect in every way back then, knowing myself to have the wanderlust, I decided to spare us both the heartache of my cheating on her as she got older when the physical appearances would be even more apparent. I did not like that about myself, back then. Now, in hindsight, I believe my choice was the best logical choice.
The thing is that I still think of her fondly and if my older mind could be transplanted into that younger me, sometimes I think I would have stayed. But even though I might have stayed, would that have been really the right choice? Maybe still not. She married another nearer her age, and is presumably happy.
But would I go out with a person 30 years older than me? If my wife would let me, sure. But would I seriously consider them for a mate? No.
Edit: So maybe you are asking whether you should mate with someone quite older than you are? If so, I recommend against it as a probability - not as an absolute. Because we form together and stay together best with the things which are similar about us rather than those things which are different.
Age, though not an absolute, is nevertheless an initial easily discernible and quantifiable way of checking one’s similarities and differences to a prospective mate. Comparing ages leads to assumptions which as a probability will be more correct than not.
Relationship Advice: I love a man who is 30 years older than I am. Is it something wrong/ immoral?
Is it okay to fall in love with someone who is 30 years older than me?
Is marrying an older man (like 30 to 40 years older) more of an advantage or disadvantage?
Is it normal to have a crush on someone that is 30-40 years older than you?
What should I do if I am in love with someone who's 30 years older than me?
Is it a good idea to marry a man who is 35 years older than me?
Is it okay to marry a man 30 years older than me?
Is it ok to have physical relationship with someone 30 years older than me?
I am dating a man 32 years older than me. Am I wrong?
I fell in love with a woman 30 years older than me, she also likes me, What should I do?
Is it weird to like someone 25-30 years older than you?
What are the advantages and disadvantages in marrying a man who is 12 years older than me?
I'm in love with a woman who is 20 years older than me. What are the difficulties that we might face if we got married?
Why do older men want women 30-40 years younger than them?
Will you date someone 30 years older?

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Woman in early 20's
Guy treats her like a queen
But is 30 years older
Would it be a good idea to date the guy?
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Personally - no way in hell.

If a 50 something guy legitimately connects heart/mind with a 20 something girl - that to me implies the older person is emotionally/intellectually stunted in some way.

Chances are he is mostly interested in the younger woman as a sex object and status symbol ("Hey, I can still pull young women - I still got it!")

As a 40 something man, I also tried dating younger...simply because I could....and....none of these women were anywhere near where I was at in life. They just got out of college, trying to get their careers off the ground, were too inexperienced in life/love to hold what I would consider a relevant conversation with me, a man in a different place in life then they even understood because they haven't gotten there yet, etc.

Sure...there are exceptions to anything....but they are considered exceptions for a reason - they are very rare. You can listen to the exceptions but is about as useful as deciding that playing the lottery should be your retirement vehicle. Maybe you might hit big - but chances are you wont.

I'd go find a younger man you can connect and grow with were I in your shoes - at least someone younger than your father who might actually know about the bands you are into and less about his AARP membership details.
@Hierophant: Okay thannks for your answer and opinion. I was asking because this guy I've known for a few years really love me but he's allot older. I wish I felt the same way about him but I don't and I think it has everything to do with the age difference. He also has two nearly grown kids. He isn't a rich man so even if I did date him it wouldn't be about the money. If he were younger I'd date him in a heartbeat. I have yet to meet a guy my age as respectful as him.

Why are older men so kind and respectful, while the younger ones are assholes and players? lol
@Anonymous: There are still younger men out there who were raised right who aren't assholes or players. Plenty of them in fact, they just aren't as boisterous as their knuckle dragging peers are.

From my 40something perspective, a 50 something isn't terribly older than I am and I can say that men of all ages have been known to sing whatever tune he thinks a woman wants if its going to lead to her panties.

This is not to say he is being disingenuous about his respect for you....just that respect for women isn't always an age thing, but usually more the way you were raised to begin with.

Again, still plenty of younger men who have been raised right....just got to make yourself available to meet one of them (re-hint: They tend to be quieter than their louder/bravado filled peers...avoid the shirtless idiot in the nightclub and give that quiet guy in the library or coffee shop a chance)
@Hierophant: In fact, it was him who always tells me that there aren't any good younger men amung my peers and he tells me I probably won't find another guy who will love and accept me the way he does. It was probably a way to keep my eyes on him and discourage me from looking elsewhere :(
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@Hierophant: @hierophant what is your oppinion on a 39 year old wanting to date a 27 year old is 12 years put in the same boat as a 30 year age gap?
@Anonymous: This guy wants you....what do you expect him to say? To acknowledge that they may relate to you better or have more sexual stamina? Of course not, its in his best interests to minimize your peer group as much as possible while patting himself on the back as the superior option.

Any man who says you cant do better than him - is best to be avoided. And that's not about age, just common sense!
@Fabrics445: No, I wouldn't consider 27-39 to be quite as significant age/cultural gap as 23-53 could be.
@Hierophant: but what about what you said about the heart/mind connection ..and the sex object does any of that apply you think with that kind of age gap between the 27-39 year old relationship?
@Fabrics445: There is always a chance a guy is just after one thing with a woman regardless of age...I'd just think that is more likely that 27-39 have a few things in common and potentially similar life experiences (marriage/divorce, kids, mortgage, career, etc) where they can better relate to one another.

I think it is rather unlikely the typical 23 year old has anywhere near the life experience the typical 53 year old has....to the point the common ground in most cases would probably be slim-to-none. It would have to take an exceptional 23 year old who was living well beyond her years (maturity wise) for a long while to even come close.......and/or a man who more or less primarily appreciates her for her youthful form and the ego boost that gives him moreso than actually relating to the things on her mind. (if he even cares what is on her mind!)
No, I would have nothing in common with someone that much older or younger.
I wouldn't be interested in dating a pensioner. I'm not interested in dating someone 30 years younger either as that would make me a pedo at my age.

I'd much rather be with someone who is my contemporary and peer.

It might be all right to casually date someone where there's an age gap, but for long-term, age difference correlates strikingly with the divorce. There's one stat from a study by Franic and Mialon (economists at Emory) called "A Diamond is Foreverand Other Fairytales. That says couples with an age gap are increasingly more at risk for divorce as the gap widens.

http://images.medicaldaily.com/sites/medicaldaily.com/files/styles/full_breakpoints_theme_medicaldaily_desktop_1x/public/2014/11/10/marriage-success-relation-age-gaps.png

The study also shows increased risk of divorce if you spend a lot on the engagement ring and wedding. So I figure with a 5-year age gap and a frugal wedding and modest ring, our chances are pretty good, at least actuarially.
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No it would be like dating someone old enough to be my dad..............
If you're just looking to have some fun for a couple of months, maybe. But long term, it likely won't work in your favor. When you hit 50, he will be 80, if he's even still alive!
yes i would date someone 30 years older because such a person will love me till the end
Would I date a woman who's old enough to be my mother? F.UCK NO!!!! If she had a very deep pocket, and, if I was attracted only to money, then of course, but I'm not the type of guy who's attracted to money. I'm attracted to a woman's character so if she doesn't have the character I like, I'm not going to date her. You could be the hottest woman on the planet. but you have the character type I dislike, I still wouldn't date you.
Men are always going to say no. Because this is a valuation based only on looks. It says that men don't think women can hold their looks into their 50's. But look at Halle Berry (49). There are always exceptions, and yes the numbers are small but exceptions.

I remember being in a race a few years back where they wrote the participants ages on their calves (I think for age group placing), I was shocked by how many completely hot 40 something women there were. They were clearly in incredible athletic shape and look at least 10 year younger.
@kenmele: Halle still looks good because black don't crack apparently. haha im joking....don't take offense to that. It was a joke lol Yes there are some really good looking older women. It's all about how you take care of yourself.
**** no. He shouldn't be dating YOU either. Gross.
Hello, I'm dating a guy that is 32 years older then me. I think it's ok depending on the age and maturity of both. I'm 38 and he is turning 70 in August. He did lied about his age initially. The first date I couldn't imagine how this could work out... I did agree to see him on a second date because he was such a gentleman and spark flew. We are actually planning a trip together soon. With the age gap there is definitely a obvious physical difference. I look younger then my age too. We get the occasional stare from strangers but what can you do?
Sure dating is fine I feel like age is just a number at times. Although I don't know if I'd make it long term though so maybe dating wouldn't be okay all I can think of is how hard that would be when she is 50 and the man is 80?
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