Dating Man With Teenage Daughter

🛑 ALL INFORMATION CLICK HERE 👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻

Dating Man With Teenage Daughter
“I know it’s against your nature,” she said,”but when it comes to his kids, be a cat, not a dog. You’re going to want to hug them and bond with them, but it’ll be better if you relax and hang back. Wait for them to come to you.”
The advice came from my dear friend Jennifer, who has a stepfamily of her own and understands that it takes time and patience to blend and bond. I was nervous. Scared, in fact, of two girls, ages 8 and 10. I had already fallen in love with their father, so what would I do if they didn’t like me? What if I didn’t like them?
David and I both grew up in Northridge, both completed graduate and undergraduate degrees at UCLA, had friends in common from college and recently discovered that my cousin was his childhood music teacher. But we didn’t meet until OKCupid matched us, and it was love at first sight. There was no coffee rendezvous; he took me to the fantastically romantic Il Cielo in Beverly Hills on our first date, and we’ve been together ever since. It was a long wait — we are both in our mid-40s — but well worth it. David is my Dream Man.
I had wanted a partner, but one with kids? My dating profile indicated that I was open to it, but the gesture was theoretical. I had never dated anyone with children, and I never wanted my own.
I remember the first time I heard his youngest daughter’s voice. She’d called when we were driving to the Mark Taper Forum in downtown Los Angeles, and we put her on speakerphone while I remained silent because she didn’t yet know her dad was dating. As we inched along the 405 Freeway, my anxiety increased. I had become accustomed to our time alone: picnics at the Hollywood Bowl and the Greek Theatre, decadent meals at Black Market Liquor Bar and Gjelina, ocean-side walks in Santa Monica. He gave me tennis lessons and I dragged him to yoga class. We went to Club 33 at Disneyland and he treated me to couples massages and pool time at the Four Seasons spa. it was a “Best of L.A.” courtship! But my favorite thing was always cuddling on the couch and talking. I was starting to wonder what our relationship would look like when it became a story for four, instead of two.
We decided to wait six months before my first meeting with his girls: a trip to the arcade at Castle Park in Sherman Oaks. We figured flashing lights and photo booths, prizes and pinball, loud noises and lots of other kids would be a good distraction from “Dad has a girlfriend,” which also means: “Mom and Dad are not getting back together.”
David’s daughters are sweet and smart, loving and funny and generous and affectionate … and my friend Jennifer was right. I could hardly stand keeping my distance. Like a puppy dog, I wanted to cuddle up to them and play, but I remembered her advice not to overwhelm them, so I pretended like this was all no big deal, and tried to find the feline inside. I tried to relax, think of the stretch of time ahead of us, remind myself there’s no rush.
Because my own parents are divorced, I know what it’s like when Dad has a girlfriend. Months later, in a quiet moment, I told the girls as much, and let them know it’s OK to have any range of feelings about all this. “It was really hard for me at first,” I said, “and I would understand if it’s weird for you.”
“It’s not weird,” said his older daughter. “You’re awesome!” I nearly burst out into tears from the joy and relief of acceptance. Her sister, silent, looked at me, and tilted her head, as if to say, “Hmmm… we’ll see about you.”
We have tried to do all the “right” things: plenty of father-daughter time without me, consistent respect for their mom, a slow pace and patient approach. But it’s still hard sometimes, and I think about Jennifer’s advice quite a bit. There’s nothing like it online. Instead, I find hundreds of articles about how to advance and evolve, take steps forward. For me, however, progress has come only with a practice of restraint: Relax like a cat and take a step back.
The first time I attended a school play, David’s daughter came out after the show. I wanted to run over and hug her, give her the flowers we brought, congratulate her on a good performance — until I saw her mom and realized that my desires were tertiary. The girls come first, their parents second, and I’m a distant third. That’s the reality. I took a physical step back and let their mom have the moment.
It happens all the time. Even now, out of respect for the girls’ privacy, I self-limit sharing stories. I usually sit on the other side of the couch so the girls can cuddle up with their dad when we watch movies. They bicker and I remain silent, allowing him to parent as he sees fit. This is not to say I’m invisible, merely respectful. It’s a conscious choice. I resist my own nature and slow down, try to remain responsive to the girls’ needs, subordinate my own.
As part of an entrepreneurial project, David’s elder was selling homemade lip gloss, and when I offered to buy some, her sister said, “Well, it’s kinda like you’re family, so you should get the family discount!”
Now I love our updated “Tour of L.A.” plan: Dodgers games and UCLA basketball, school plays and holiday events, and it’s just as easy to get tickets for four.
I knew I’d fall for David from the moment we met, but I had no idea I’d fall in love like this: utterly openhearted to his two beautiful girls.
Sunday is Mother’s Day. I’m a little bit jealous, because mothers and fathers have a clear role. Mine is special but unclear, constantly negotiated. I’d love to be more. I don’t want to be Mom, but maybe someday I’ll be more than “Dad’s girlfriend” to them.
For now, I’m just available, playful in my own way, and practicing patience.
The author lives in Encino and is a lecturer with UCLA Writing Programs. Her website is LauriMattenson.com
L.A. Affairs chronicles the current dating scene in and around Los Angeles. If you have comments or a true story to tell, email us at LAAffairs@latimes.com .
Life is stressful. Our weekly mental wellness newsletter can help.
You may occasionally receive promotional content from the Los Angeles Times.

My daughter is dating a man more than twice her age
‘I am too shocked and angry to meet this man’: a father is horrified at his daughter’s choice of partner. Photograph: Alamy
Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning
© 2022 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. (modern)
Mariella Frostrup says a father’s anger at his daughter’s relationship is understandable – but may be to do with his own unresolved past
The dilemma I have a 23-year-old daughter. Her mother and I split up when she was seven due to her mother’s infidelity. I still see my daughter regularly and she is close to my wife and the two other children we have. My daughter didn’t have a “proper” boyfriend until she was in her late teens. Last week I was informed that her new boyfriend is a little older than her. It transpires he’s 48! He also has a wife and two children who he is preparing to leave to be with my daughter. I am, in equal measures, furious, horrified, embarrassed, ashamed and desperate. This new boyfriend is older than my wife, who is 46. I am 55. My daughter wants me to meet this man, but I am too shocked and angry that a man of his age and with his responsibilities could behave in this manner. How should I handle this? I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it.
Mariella replies I feel your pain. Though I don’t think you have anything to be embarrassed about. Your job was to raise her and teach her how to be the best adult possible. At 23 she may well be romantically naive but she’s a grown-up. Your situation is a parental nightmare, but not the most unusual of scenarios. She’s certainly not the first young woman to fall for an unhappily married mature man.
At the moment I’d say your biggest mistake is to take your daughter’s actions personally. Words like “embarrassed, ashamed and horrified” suggest your immediate concern is not with her happiness but with how her choice reflects on you. Hard as it may be, you need to remove yourself from the equation and try to work out what’s drawing your daughter to what, at very best, will be a complicated partnership. In many ways his age is of less concern than the family he is about to forsake. Having been through a family breakup yourself you are well equipped to understand the legacy of such a separation.
I’m concerned that your response may be rooted in your ex-wife’s betrayal rather than your daughter’s welfare. Is your anger being exacerbated by still-painful memories of the demise of your own relationship? It’s a plausible explanation for why nearly two decades later you still feel the urge to name and shame your wife’s infidelity as the catalyst for the divorce. Unresolved pain and anger might be pushing you towards your entrenched opposition. I do sympathise with the emotions you describe, but only “desperate” is useful at the moment. It might give you the impetus to overcome your instincts and swallow your pride.
Refusing to meet the man she thinks she loves is a mistake. It puts all the power in his corner by casting you as the intolerant villain. Your first – albeit unappealing – step has to be to meet the object of her affections and treat him with civility. Love can be blind so it’s up to you to take a long, hard look at the man she’s fallen for. Refusing to engage with him will only propel her further into his orbit and dissipate any leavening influence you might have. There’s nothing more compelling in youth than a choice your parents disapprove of. Most epic romances begin with intractable families forcing lovers into each other’s arms. Let’s start with Romeo and Juliet and carry on from there.
I understand why you are vehemently against this union, but if you’re to be the voice of reason you’ll need to work on being more reasonable. Meeting him is a must otherwise your objections are based only on your misgivings, not the individuals involved. An age gap can boil down to semantics once you start arguing about whether a 10-year divide is better than 20 and so on. There are many successful relationships between partners of wildly disparate ages. It may create challenges, but who’s to say they are any greater than cultural or religious divides which are regularly surmounted?
You need to work out exactly what your objections are before you can expect to be given a fair hearing. Few dads welcome the moment their daughters transfer their affections to other men and you do seem to be taking it particularly to heart. Her choice of partner is not your fault, but I know from personal experience that losing your father’s full-time presence at a formative age can leave a vacancy that in adulthood you rush to fill. It could explain her eagerness to establish a family anew.
Your goal should be to create an environment where a calm and reasoned discussion about the responsibilities she is about to find herself shouldering can be had. With that as your focus, familiarise yourself with your protagonist, make tolerance your watchword and try to support your daughter as she negotiates this volatile emotional terrain. Most importantly, separate what’s happening now from your own relationship history. The past is a foreign country so don’t linger on old wounds when the future can still be shaped differently.
If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk . Follow her on Twitter @mariellaf1

My partner’s teenage daughter has to be the centre of his attention
‘His love for his her would and should trump his love for you.’ Mariella Frostrup advises a woman who is upset about her partner’s relationship with his daughter. Photograph: Getty Images
Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning
© 2022 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. (modern)
Seventeen-year-olds are good at triggering insecurities so stop being so easily provoked, says Mariella Frostrup
The dilemma I live with my partner of five years, who I adore, and his 17-year-old daughter. She doesn’t have many friends and never goes out, but she is a nice girl and has accepted me. She is sweet at times, but I get very wound up over little things and I dread her coming home. She gets moody and can be quite bolshy. She is close to her dad which is great, but it winds me up. For example, we went away for a couple of days and she was all over him, cuddling, putting her legs over his and always trying to be the centre of attention, which made me feel left out. A few times I have come back from work and found her lying on my side of the bed next to him chatting. I really don’t want it to affect my relationship with her dad, but she gets jealous when we show any sign of affection towards each other and that drives me mad. Am I being over the top?
Mariella replies She’s not the only one getting jealous, is she? But, importantly, she is the only child. You’ve known this girl since she was 12, so it’s disconcerting that you describe your relationship as being one of competing lovers, not a concerned adult or step-parent discussing behavioural issues in a kid you have a degree of responsibility for. The first thing you need to do is dispense with the delusion that you are locked in a battle for his affection. She is his daughter for heaven’s sake. His love for her would, and probably should, trump his love for you, so I really wouldn’t bring the level of debate down to a stark choice between the two of you.
There should be clear lines between your relationship with your partner and his with his daughter. You are engaged in a union between two adults, based on physical attraction, mutual compatibility and the enjoyment of each other’s company. Your partner and his daughter’s relationship is defined by primal parenting instincts which are pretty inescapable. They may fall out, but they can never “split up”.
So, what is it you’re fighting for? Finding her lounging on your bed is hardly an affront. A parent’s bed is a place of safety – it should be like a raft to board when the going gets tough. If you live with a child it’s not your bed, it’s a family lifeboat, which is one of many reasons why a healthy sex life can often become a challenge! What are you going to do, put a No Entry sign on the door?
Direct confrontation and exclusion zones are not appropriate. What teenager, testing out her power, wouldn’t revel in a skirmish for her father’s affection, particularly with the odds loaded in her favour. It’s tantalising for someone her age, trying to understand her own power, to test herself by working out how to manipulate her dad. She’s practising how to step out into the world and to have her own relationships on the most important man in her life to date. You are meant to be showing her a good example of confident, mature womanhood, not quarrelling over the spotlight. It may sound harsh, but I suggest you summon some strength and dignity and stop pitching yourself as the opposition or at best you’ll look faintly ridiculous.
Giving credibility to such neurosis on paper makes me uncomfortable, so how confident do you feel about seriously claiming their closeness as a danger to your own? I’d be treading very warily if I were you, because if you force a choice you won’t be on the winning side, even in the unlikely and unfortunate event that he steps into your corner.
If you and this man intend to stay together, your relationship will be stress-tested many times with all kinds of outside pressures to negotiate. If you can’t cope with the most fundamental of these – helping nurture the daughter he already has – then I suggest you move on to less testing relationship ties. For an immature and probably insecure teenage girl, you’re creating a confrontation that’s all the more tantalising because you’re well up for playing the game.
I appreciate it’s not easy dealing with any teenager, whether they are your blood responsibility or not. If you hook up with someone who has a child, however, the deal is that you don’t behave like one. I’ve no doubt this girl knows how to trigger your insecurities, so a good place to start would be to stop being so easily provoked.
There is certainly an argument for creating boundaries so you can rub along more harmoniously, but stamping your foot only increases the stakes for any teenager. It sounds to me like you and your partner need to carve out more time as a couple while ensuring that when you’re at home the levels of affection between you aren’t dictated by his daughter.
That said, to be the only child stuck with two adult lovebirds is an unenviable position for her. Let this young lady grow up secure in the knowledge of her father’s unconditional love then step out into the world looking for a similarly functional and committed relationship for herself. Ultimately this girl will leave you both to your feathered nest, but until then it’s a communal living space for three people who care for each other – not a battle ground for supremacy.
If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk . Follow her on Twitter @mariellaf1

Many of us say when it comes to how old we are, age is just a number. But when it comes to who our teenage daughters are dating, and who they fall in love with, let's be honest, age does matter.
How comfortable would you be if your 12-year-old daughter was dating a 17-year-old boy? Or if your 18-year-old daughter was dating an older man, say, one in in his 40s? (By the way, these 5 sex-related questions are essential to ask your older teen .)
With some celebrity couples having large age gaps, there is cause for parents to wonder how they would feel if their teenage daughter was dating someone old enough to be their parent, how they would handle it and if there is need for concern.
Dane Cook, a 46-year-old actor has been dating 19-year-old singer, Kelsi Taylor . The 27-year age gap has left some thinking the relationship is "creepy" and while other celebrity couples such as David Hasselhoff, 66 and Hayley Roberts, 38 have an even bigger age gap of 28 it’s just not the same—the fact that she is not a teenager, and has more life experience which makes it not as concerning if she were still in her teens.
As a mom to a 13-year-old, my daughter's happiness is the most important thing to me of course, and my teenager daughter dating an older boy of a year or two I could understand. But I wouldn't be comfortable if she was dating someone over 20 years her senior. It would make me wonder if her father or I had failed her in some way or if she was acting out in need of some other attention she never got as a child. I want her to be with someone who is on her level and able to go through life experiences with her.
A post shared by Dane Cook (@danecook) on Apr 11, 2017 at 12:25pm PDT
We spoke with experts on the subject who offered some advice for parents for how to talk to teenage daughter about dating and sex , how to prevent your teen daughter from dating older men, and how to cope with it if this happens.
First, it’s important to understand why this happens. Clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly , Ph.D., explains that many young girls fall for older men because of an "unconscious need to feel safe and loved," she says. Many of them "unknowingly" seek love and affection from age-inappropriate man to feel a "sense of being fathered and protected," she says.
Most much older men who seek out younger women, especially teenagers, do so because of a need to "control the person who is seeking love and attention," says Manly.
And whether the older person is male or female, they often feel an "ego-boost as a result of having captured a younger person," she explains.
As we get older, age gaps matter less but it's important to note that teenagers benefit
New Sex Film
He Has Got 2 Younger Sister
Petite Lesbian Webcam