Dating In Los Angeles As Fat Girl
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Dating In Los Angeles As Fat Girl
A subreddit to discuss and the dating process and learn from the experiences of others
Just find it frustrating that my body type is sexualised and a dirty secret but no one wants to date seriously or be seen in public with me … just find it upsetting
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I am a bbw. I am a 1x and 5'6. I have always dated never had an issue finding a man. Although I've had issues finding good men. The last 3 years I've been much more picky with my dating criteria. No hookups no one night stands. Only date what I deserve. I have met the most amazing man. He treats me wonderful. I learned alot about how I put myself out there for dating. If I let guys treat me like shit they just always will. So I stopped all that. I wanted something specific in a partner. So I waited till I found that. And eventually I did.
never had an issue finding a man. Although I've had issues finding good men.
If you never had a problem dating its probably pretty privilege. Theres a difference between societal "pretty" BBW vs a lady with normal features and large waistline.
"I wanted something specific in a partner. "
Same though I’m a 2-3 x and never had an issue
I'm a fat guy. Being fat means you are dating on hard mode. Guy or girl, no matter how you feel about your body, no matter how body positive you are, being overweight limits your dating pool. This is isn't a comment on how things should be, it's reality.
But if I'm being honest, I completely understand when people aren't interested in me due to my weight, because I also lose interest when a girl is my size. It's unhealthy, and many people are going to find unhealthy unattractive.
The way to improve your dating life is to improve yourself.
I think the OP’s frustration if I understand it has less to do with lamenting dating while fat so much as being fetishized and being treated as a shameful fetish to boot.
Making good progress? I was morbidly obese. In the teens BF % these days. Crazy how people treat you differently, fat to fit.
I don't think that's OP's point though. She's not really complaining about her limited dating pool (though I do agree being overweight does limit your options). She's complaining that there are guys out there who enjoy/are attracted to larger bodies but are unwilling to be seen out in public with the people they privately desire and fetishize. It is less that these people 'aren't interested' and more that they are interested but due to whatever reason (societal pressure/worried about friends making fun of them for dating the 'fat' girl/ internalized fatphobia, etc), they won't commit or go public with the person they privately like to be with.
That’s been my experience as well. When I was really thin I had a million guys messaging me then I put on weight and not as many men were interested.
I figure I wouldn’t be interested in dating someone my size (because I’m overweight right now) so I’m getting healthier and losing the weight. It’s a fact of life that no one is really attracted to or interested in sharing a life with someone who doesn’t care about their health or fitness.
As a guy I was 300 lb. In my 40s, I did my shopping I was friendly with the associates but nobody else really paid me any attention.
I started to lose weight and by the time I got down to 220. Women started noticing me. But at 180 I got a lot more attention because I was taking care of myself I wasn't super physically fit I didn't have muscles rippling anywhere but I was looking so much better.
I looked like I could actually go out and do things with people. Like hiking rowing biking, and I was doing those things that I could not possibly have done at 300 lb. My doctor was astonished.
Even among men, I got better friendships as a result because I could hang out with I wasn't limited in the activities to come over watch some TV movies and or go to dinner kind of thing I could actually go to an amusement park with them go hiking It changes your whole world.
I met someone when I was out walking who she told me that if she wasn't married she would want to bone me... I showed her my old picture and she said definitely not at that weight. She didn't think that I would have been physically fit enough to keep up with her even in bed.
I used to be fat guy around around November 2021 currently 75 kg💀🤝I went from having Struggle with dates to Having multiple at once to date problem
100% this. There's so much delusion nowadays about weight. The truth is that most of the guys who say they like fat women, aren't actually desirable guys. If they could get with fit women, they would.
Fat/unfit people who struggle with dating if anything should be thankful that it's something that they can change. So many people out there have conditions that are unattractive that they can't change no matter how much they try.
Don't make assumptions about my ex- (or current!) partners
Please don't try to lift me ( but seriously, don't )
Bex vanKoot is a fat queer feminist fatale who somehow always ends up reading the comments. Follow for feminist rants @BexvanKoot .
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Dating as a polyamorous woman brings with it a lifetime's worth of misconceptions and jealousies. Add a few extra layers of fat to that experience, and things can get depressing real fast. As a non-single, fat, polyamorous woman, I can't tell you how often I've been questioned about my confidence, self-worth, who I am, and why I'm into what I'm into.
And I'm not the only one who feels this way. For anyone who's going to date a fat woman at some point in their life, here are some tips for not ruining your chances to get with all this.
If literally the only reason you are interested in me is because I'm fat, you might want to take a step back and get to know a bit about me first. I don't mind if you tend to date fat girls, or really even if you get some specific pleasure from being with a fat woman -- but I don't need that to be the first thing you tell me about yourself.
Guys tend to do this in a reassuring way, I think. "I'm really into BBWs!" It's announced as if it's supposed to reassure me that they aren't going to take one look at me naked and run, I think? I don't need to be reassured. Or maybe it's meant to suggest some kink; like to let me know that he wants to feed me cakes and watch me weigh myself? Hey: I don't own a scale. If you care more about my weight than I do, we're going to have a problem.
This comes from guys who don't necessarily have a problem with my weight -- they just have a problem with fat people.
When you say, "But you're not fat!" Or worse, "Oh you're so (beautiful, smart, sexy, whatever) for a fat girl…" all I hear is how much you hate fatness.
I am fat. There is no denying that fact. When you tell me I'm not, what you are really saying is that despite my body size, I'm not all those horrible things you tend to associate with fatness. "You're not the kind of lazy, stupid, disgusting, [insert sizeist insult here] slob who I expect fat people to be," is not a compliment.
Dudes tend to assume that I haven't dated a lot in my life -- or the opposite, that I'm always up for casual sex because I'm desperate for attention. They often come into a relationship believing that my past partners have been abusive or unfaithful, or that my current partner isn't interested in sex and that's why we're poly. Basically, that he's arrived to save me from my terrible, sad, fat life.
I have experienced sexual assault and trauma in my life. A lot of fat women have -- the ACE scores study suggest that at least some cases of obesity are biologically related to childhood trauma -- but I don't need you to psychoanalyze me, to explain to me why I'm fat, or to try and "fix" me somehow. I have a therapist, thanks.
I got over guys who wanted to sleep with me but weren't willing to be seen in public with me a long time ago. I love Netflix and whatever as much as the next girl, sure -- but I also love art galleries and movie theaters and poetry readings! And yes, I even enjoy going out for a good meal if you can manage not to make a big deal out of it.
Can you? Let's have some fun already!
And don't invalidate my experiences as a fat woman. There are some places, some days, when I just don't want to interact with certain people or try to make my body fit into the world. Transit -- from buses and taxis all the way to airplanes -- can lead to downright hostile environments. I'm not likely to fit on most of the rides at the amusement park and the thought of eating a meal sitting in a rickety plastic chair puts me on high alert.
If I try to talk to you about fatphobia, about discrimination, about the challenges I face as a fat woman in the world, please don't try to comfort me by telling me people don't mean it, that maybe I'm misreading the situation, the the world isn't out to get me. Whether or not fat hatred is malicious, it's still harmful. Check your own issues with fatness before telling me to check mine.
I don't know what the motivation is for guys who try to get me on their shoulders at concerts or attempt to lift me gently into bed. Are you trying to prove to me that I'm "not that heavy"? Or are you trying to prove to yourself how much of a manly man you are? Either way, it's annoying and uncomfortable.
This doesn't mean we can't try new and interesting positions during sex. But it does mean I expect you to avoid throwing my body around in the bedroom without my explicit permission. These sorts of acrobatics are best attempted without the element of surprise.
I've had people tell me quite plainly that they just know I'm more willing to acquiesce to the sexual demands of a man because I'm fat; and obviously fat girls will do anything, because it's so hard for us to garner male attention.
Look, I'm comfortable with my body. I enjoy sex, I love meeting new people, and I think there is an incredible power in making intimate connections. I also enjoy boundaries and people who know what affirmative consent looks like. If there's an attraction between us, you'll know it, and whatever desires that sparks, let's talk about them. Don't just assume I'm all in because I'm sex-positive, fat, and sometimes femme.
Fat women aren't a monolith -- they're women. Human. We lead complex, often rich lives. The best way to treat a fat woman? Like the individual she is.
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Lifestyle
8 Truths About Dating in Los Angeles No One Ever Bothered to Tell You
February 13, 2015 by Ashley Lyublinsky
More stories to check out before you go
Los Angeles is full of single people. So why is it that you keep asking yourself, “Where they at?”
No matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to connect with anyone in a meaningful long term sense. Trust me, you’re not alone in this.
Dating is a headache to begin with, but if you understand the city you’re living in, it might make things a little clearer for you when you get in the game. So let’s take a look at some of the essential dating truths about L.A. that, if you fully grasp, might make these treacherous waters just a tiny bit easier to navigate.
And even if you don’t follow the advice I’ve laid out below, at least we can all commiserate about the agonies of being single in the city of angels.
Scenario: You’re chatting up a cute potential love interest and hitting things off oh so well, but then comes the dreaded question “So where in L.A. do you live?”. It’s just an unspoken rule that if said love interest does not live within a 5 mile radius, this relationship is over.
Truth is: Long distance relationships are hard work, and that sometimes means having to say bye to that cutie from Santa Monica.
Living in Los Angeles means a lot of driving. I mean you can certainly count that cute guy/girl flirting with you as you inch across the 10, but once they meet their exit, it’s back to being alone. You spend a good portion in your car so I’m sure you’ve asked yourself, “How am I ever suppose to meet someone?”.
Truth is: You still can! Just need to open to more random of meetings when you finally get out of your car.
Living in L.A., by now you should know at least ONE person who has hooked up with someone kind of sort of famous. In fact some people are actually out there actively seeking celebrity hook-ups, giving themselves bonus points for the varying classes of their bedmates (movie star, television star, reality… thing).
Truth is: Try not to brag about hooking up with a famous person unless they are actually famous. Disney Chanel stars do not count. Chances are that no one will know who they are, unless it’s your younger cousin.
Just like the above, chances are high that you have dated or will date someone “in the industry” while living in L.A. This term gets thrown around a lot and mainly covers actors, camera guys, screen- writers, and the works who flock here to try and make it big. It’s just something that comes with the territory of Los Angeles.
Truth: This is not always a bad thing. Dates at industry events can be fun. BUT there is a high chance that work will always come before you do. So unless you can handle long periods on location and/or high flake potential, try to find someone else to date. Caveat emptor, as they say.
Dating in L.A. doesn’t come cheap. With tons of awesome restaurants and bars to try, sometimes budgeting for dating can be hard. Outside activities make for great first dates as well. There are plenty of other ways you can date for cheap, such as 14 Cheap L.A. Date Ideas That Girls Will Love (aka Spend Less to Impress) or 15 Things To Do in Los Angeles for $15 or Less .
Truth: Don’t be put off by someone who suggests a cheap/free date. If there is thought behind it, then that’s all that matters. If you are stuck paying for everything, then that’s not cheap, that’s just gross.
Does it seem like everyone you know is in a relationship already, thereby decreasing your chances of meeting someone through your ‘couple’ friends? Los Angeles can sometimes seem like a city divided: one for the couples and one for the singles. Couples either either move here together or find each other way more quickly than you can find parking on your street. And once they pair up, God help you trying to horn in on their social time.
Truth: Give them a break. Rent is cheaper when you have someone to split it with. If your cat could pay rent then you wouldn’t be complaining. Also: It’s not their fault you’re single and they’re not.
A common theme I’ve found when asking people about dating in Los Angeles is that it is SUPER hard to meet anyone. Well that is a given. One of the first “dates” I went on after moving here was with a someone I met at a health food co-op in Santa Monica. It’s sometimes just luck. But not usually.
Truth: There are a bunch of places you can meet other single folks. Volunteer. Pick up a hobby. Come join We Like L.A. meet up group and meet some fabulous people, or try some of these other tips for meeting new folks . You just need to know where to look and then actually try to look (as opposed to just telling everyone you are trying).
Like the green dude said: “Do or do not. There is no try.”
You’d think that because everyone drives here, the walk of shame is not really a thing for us Angelenos. But what about that guy you are seeing that lives in Koreatown and has absolutely NO parking ever by him?
Truth is: We call our walk of shame the Uber of Shame. Personally, I think this is a lot more classy since the only person who comes into contact with you the next morning is your Uber driver who doesn’t judge, and just gives you a bottle of Fiji water while you avoid eye contact.
What are some other valuable truths you’ve experienced while dating in Los Angeles? Let us know in the comments below.
Spending most of her life on the East Coast, Ashley has embraced her inner California girl and is now a full time resident. A self-proclaimed geek, owl enthusiast, and sushi lover. You can find her making jokes where they're likely not needed. Follow her on Instagram @ashlyub
Lifestyle
8 Truths About Dating in Los Angeles No One Ever Bothered to Tell You
February 13, 2015 by Ashley Lyublinsky
More stories to check out before you go
Los Angeles is full of single people. So why is it that you keep asking yourself, “Where they at?”
No matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to connect with anyone in a meaningful long term sense. Trust me, you’re not alone in this.
Dating is a headache to begin with, but if you understand the city you’re living in, it might make things a little clearer for you when you get in the game. So let’s take a look at some of the essential dating truths about L.A. that, if you fully grasp, might make these treacherous waters just a tiny bit easier to navigate.
And even if you don’t follow the advice I’ve laid out below, at least we can all commiserate about the agonies of being single in the city of angels.
Scenario: You’re chatting up a cute potential love interest and hitting things off oh so well, but then comes the dreaded question “So where in L.A. do you live?”. It’s just an unspoken rule that if said love interest does not live within a 5 mile radius, this relationship is over.
Truth is: Long distance relationships are hard work, and that sometimes means having to say bye to that cutie from Santa Monica.
Living in Los Angeles means a lot of driving. I mean you can certainly count that cute guy/girl flirting with you as you inch across the 10, but once they meet their exit, it’s back to being alone. You spend a good portion in your car so I’m sure you’ve asked yourself, “How am I ever suppose to meet someone?”.
Truth is: You still can! Just need to open to more random of meetings when you finally get out of your car.
Living in L.A., by now you should know at least ONE person who has hooked up with someone kind of sort of famous. In fact some people are actually out there actively seeking celebrity hook-ups, giving themselves bonus points for the varying classes of their bedmates (movie star, television star, reality… thing).
Truth is: Try not to brag about hooking up with a famous person unless they are actually famous. Disney Chanel stars do not count. Chances are that no one will know who they are, unless it’s your younger cousin.
Just like the above, chances are high that you have dated or will date someone “in the industry” while living in L.A. This term gets thrown around a lot and mainly covers actors, camera guys, screen- writers, and the works who flock here to try and make it big. It’s just something that comes with the territory of Los Angeles.
Truth: This is not always a bad thing. Dates at industry events can be fun. BUT there is a high chance that work will always come before you do. So unless you can handle long periods on locati
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