Be A Good Housewife
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Be A Good Housewife
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I found an old book that my grandmother actually used in her 1950s housewife days. It is called Pictoral Medical Guide , and it was published in 1954 with writings by 42 contemporary specialists. It's quite interesting and sometimes funny to see the differences in the expectations of women of that time compared to now.
The following excerpts come from this book.
"The girl about to marry may well ponder the question, "Am I marriageable?" A description of the mature adult is worked out by Henry Bowman in a recent book and is most helpful in answering the question:
"Excesses are signs of immaturity—excess drinking, smoking, eating, fondness for clothes, gambling and quarreling. Other signs of immaturity are hysteria, temper tantrums, the desire to have too much attention, intolerance, and inconstancy. The hypochondriac woman always complaining of headaches, backaches, dizzy spells, choking sensations where there is no physical basis is an immature person. The foregoing immature reactions result in an unhappy marriage."
"The girl who knows how to feed her family and care for her home begins married life with many odds in her favor. Training in what sex may mean to marriage will also help her make a successful wife."
"It is preferable for the girl to stretch herself rather than to have the doctor resort to cutting the hymen or stretching under anesthesia. The self-stretching process, although it takes a little longer, can be accomplished without pain or discomfort, and in the stretching the girl acquires a great deal of information about her pelvis which will be important later on in her married life."
"Recent polls have shown that men still consider skill in cooking and homemaking highly desirable in the women they marry." On polls in which men and women rated traits in a mate that they found most desirable, "men placed considerably more emphasis than women on: (1) good cook and housekeeper; (2) good looks; (3) desire for home life and children."
The housewife at work (I drew up this chart based on one found in the book)
"If a wife can make a career of homemaking, content to double the value of her husband's income by her art and skill in buying, preparing and managing the raw materials that make her comfortable living, she need never feel that she is doing less than her share in the work of the world. The services she provides for her husband and their children are, even in money value, generally the equivalent of the dollars and cents brought in by the man. She can, if she will, take an intelligent interest in what is going on outside her home, both locally and in national and international affairs. She must, if she is to be no handicap to husband and children, accept some responsibilities for communitiy or other outside doings which interest her enough to prevent her becoming a drag on her children as they grow up, or on her husband as he develops, or on her own development as a mature person."
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
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Spend time with your spouse to form a lasting friendship. Romance isn’t the only thing that holds your relationship together. Intimacy is all about caring for your partner unconditionally. Talk openly and honestly with your spouse like they’re your best friend, do things together, and offer them support when they need it most. [1]
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Take time to ask each other questions about your days while making dinner.
Send them funny jokes, memes, or pictures that remind you of them.
Start a hobby or activity together to develop similar interests.
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Go on exciting adventures with your spouse. Married life doesn’t mean you both have to stop living! Spend quality time together and make lasting memories by doing something new. Maybe that’s camping, hiking, or traveling. [2]
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Find your exciting adventure as a couple by talking about your dreams. Ask your spouse what’s on their bucket list and see if any of your dreams match. You may even discover a new dream while you talk.
Plan week-long or weekend getaways with each other to relax and destress.
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Support your spouse by accepting them for who they are. One of the best things you can do for your spouse is be there for them through thick and thin. They’re an ever-evolving person—just like you! Their interests, career, and attitude may change, but you can be a good wife by being with them through it all. Focus on helping them be the best version of themselves rather than trying to change them. [3]
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Work with your spouse to manage stress as a couple. Life can be stressful, and it’s important to be there for your spouse through the ups and downs. Be a good listener and discuss solutions with your partner about anxieties and worries. [4]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source
Not only can this help improve your relationship, but it can also help them be a better partner for you when you’re stressed.
Try exercising together to let out your frustrations. Moving your bodies together can help clear your minds and look at problems with new perspectives. [5]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source
Take care of yourself to be the best wife possible. How are you supposed to make your spouse happy if you're not happy? Make time to do things you like to do without your spouse. Perhaps that’s attending a weekly yoga class, reading a book, or grabbing drinks with a few girl friends. Focusing on yourself doesn’t make you a bad wife—it makes you a great one! [6]
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Self-care is an easy way to set boundaries in a relationship, as spending time with yourself and doing something you love can help you recharge emotionally. [7]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source
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Kiss your spouse regularly to stay connected physically. It can be easy for the honeymoon phase to fizzle out after you’ve been married for a long time. Even though it seems rather simple, kissing your spouse can help spark intimate feelings and increase sex drive. Try kissing them before they head off to work, before you go to bed, or when they look extra sexy. This is a great way to please them and yourself all while keeping the passion alive. [8]
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Add other aspects of physical touch into your daily routine as a couple. Holding hands and hugging are just as important as a steamy kiss. [9]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source
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Schedule date nights to stay romantically interested in each other. No matter how busy you are, how stressful your job is, or how many kids you have, make time to spend a romantic evening with your spouse. Aim for a date every 2 weeks or as often as you can. Designate a day where it’s just you and them. Believe it or not, dressing up for each other and spending a night alone can renew your romantic connection. [10]
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Date nights can be as simple or romantic as you like. As long as you do something you both like together, you’re sure to have a great time!
Try spending a romantic night in , bowling, playing mini-golf, seeing a movie, or splurging at a high-end restaurant.
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Turn your bedroom into a romantic sanctuary to initiate sex. Remove TVs, laptops, and work-related materials from the bedroom. Make the bed with silk sheets and cover the windows with black-out curtains. Light a few candles or turn on a diffuser with a favorite essential oil. Create an inviting space meant for sex and sleep to help you and your spouse unwind after a long day. [11]
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Opt for a vanilla or woodsy candle or essential oil to heighten the sexy mood.
Play romantic music softly in the background. This can be a playlist of songs representing your relationship or an arousing instrumental track.
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Make time for physical intimacy to keep the romance alive. Life can get busy, which sometimes means putting sex on the back burner. Try scheduling sex into your weekly or monthly routine. Pick a day that works for both of you—maybe that’s a weekend or a holiday you both have off work. This can give you both something to look forward to while improving your sex lives . [12]
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Buy a new sexy outfit or plan a romantic evening leading up to your designated lovemaking day.
Marking a day to have sex doesn’t mean you can’t have it any other day. Be spontaneous when you can!
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Support your spouse by asking what they need in the relationship. Recognizing what’s important for your partner can help you do what’s best for them. [13]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source
Maybe they’re craving more physical intimacy, want some alone time, or would like to spend more time with you. Understanding their wants and needs helps you cultivate an environment you can both be happy in while improving your relationship . [14]
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Don’t sacrifice your needs for theirs. There’s always a happy medium, so make sure you’re not compromising your own happiness. After all, you can’t be a good wife if you’re not happy yourself!
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Express your feelings and needs to your spouse. Your spouse doesn't know what you’re thinking 100% of the time, so don’t be afraid to let them in every once and a while. Talk to them about what you need and want in the relationship. Being open and honest about your desires and emotions can strengthen your marriage and help you both be happier. [15]
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Trustworthy Source
University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
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Use "I" statements to tell them what you need rather than pointing blame. For instance, you may say something like, "I feel ignored when you come home and watch TV before talking to me," or "I want to spend more time with friends on the weekend to unwind." [16]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source
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Listen and forgive your spouse to be understanding. Sometimes, all it takes to be a good wife is a listening ear and an accepting nature. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s important to actively listen to your spouse and accept their apologies (as long as your feel comfortable doing so) when you can. [17]
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Trustworthy Source
University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
Go to source
Admit your own mistakes in return, as the best relationships strive on honesty.
Reach out to a couple’s therapist if you need help processing your feelings and rebuilding your relationship. [18]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source
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Choose your battles with your spouse to avoid conflict. Debates can be a healthy way to get your opinions across and learn something new, but full-on arguments can hurt both parties. When reprimanding your spouse, don’t sweat the small stuff. Pick your battles and ask yourself, "Would an argument over this solve something or make matters worse?" [19]
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