Cunnilingus How To

Cunnilingus How To

Medically reviewed by
Dr Juliet McGrattan (MBChB) and words by Paisley Gilmour

8 oral sex tactics that experts swear by
Dr Juliet McGrattan (MBChB)
Dr Juliet McGrattan
Dr Juliet McGrattan spent 16 years working as an NHS GP.

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What’s the best way to eat pussy? Read our expert tips on how to perfect this glorious oral sex act.
Cunnilingus – also known as oral sex, licking someone out, eating someone out, going down on someone, and giving head – is the fancy, official term used to describe when someone uses their mouth to stimulate someone else’s vulva or vagina .
While many women and vulva-having people love cunnilingus because it focuses heavily on stimulating the clitoris and therefore is more likely to make them orgasm (between 70-80 per cent of women need clitoral stimulation to climax), many also feel self-conscious about receiving it.
Here’s an expert guide to cunnilingus, including a step-by-step guide on how to give (and receive) oral pleasure, plus the all-important STI and sexual health risks associated with the sex act:
Cunnilingus is stimulation of the female genitals using the tongue or lips. ‘Good cunnilingus requires technique – whether you are giving or receiving,’ says sex and relationship expert for Lovehoney , Annabelle Knight . ‘The key is that both partners are completely relaxed so no one is worrying or feeling insecure and you can both get lost in the moment.’
Knight recommends the following 7 key steps to helping your partner reach clitoral nirvana:
Most people enjoying cunnilingus won’t want to go from zero to oral sex in 30 seconds. Take your time and ease into it. Do other things you know they love. Use your hands and mouth all over the body, which will nicely foreshadow what is to come. When the recipient is good and excited, head south.
Most of the attention with cunnilingus is on the clitoris, but every woman is different and there may be other parts of her that will take oral sex from the every day to the out of this world.
Remember many people have sensitive clitorises, so don’t go too heavy on it at the start. Flatten your tongue and use wide slow strokes to explore their inner and outer lips, vagina, and clitoris. Imagine licking an ice cream cone. Start at the perineum and lick up and around the clit and back down the other side.
In general, it’s said women and vulva-having people tend to like firm pressure and repetitive motions. Quick tongue flicks against the clitoris can actually be irritating, which is the kind of furious cunnilingus we often see in pornography. If you’re not sure, ask your partner to give feedback while you try different kinds of strokes—circular, side-to-side, up-and-down. Don’t take it personally if they flinch—discovering what pleases is often a process of trial and error.
If you’ve ever seen your partner masturbate, you’ll have some idea how they like their clitoris to be touched. Ask them to show you now, or you can offer them your hand and ask them to demonstrate the kind of stroking they prefer by placing their hand on top of yours.
Remember penetration is always optional, and you should always get consent before penetrating your partner with your fingers or a sex toy. If they’ve given you the all-clear, when they’re good and excited, add some lubricant to your fingers or toy and gently insert it into their vagina. Move them in and out using short but firm strokes. Put your mouth back on their clitoris and lick while you penetrate your partner. This won’t do it for everyone, but many people love the experience of clitoral stimulation and penetration.
As steady stimulation seems to do the trick, don’t stop unless you need to come up for air. You’ll see the signs when your partner is nearing orgasm—the moans, their thighs pressing against your head, their body arching, their hands tightening on your head. And they’ll usually let you know when to stop. If not, simply ask, ‘Do you want me to stop now?’
Dr Maria F Peraza Godoy, a urologist, sexual medicine expert, clinical sexologist, and co-founder of Healthy Pleasure Collective , says you should also consider the following:
For women and vulva-having people who like to feel in control, Godoy recommends the giving partner lying on their back while you straddle them. ‘This allows a total contact between the mouth, the clitoris, and the vulva, so it offers a very intense level of pleasure,’ she says.
‘The alignment of the hip and pendulous movements during oral sex is essential to increase pleasure,’ adds Godoy. ‘Feel free to dance and balance your hips on a small pillow placed under your lower back, this elevates your hips and vulva.’
Many women and vulva-having people are nervous about receiving cunnilingus, which is normal. Getting naked, spreading your legs and having someone face-first in your vulva can feel a little intimidating or intense.
‘Some people do feel self-conscious about their vulva,’ says Sarah Calvert, UKCP and CORST psychotherapist and psychosexual & relationship therapist . ‘There has been a reported rise in rates of labiaplasty – operations to reduce or alter the labia – and young people seeking the procedure.
‘The rise could be due to the sexual images that we see and their portrayal of vulvas, suggesting the vulva should look a certain way. It’s important to remember that vulvas, like penises, come in all shapes and sizes; everyone is different and difference is to be celebrated.’
Vulvas, like penises, come in all shapes and sizes; everyone is different and difference is to be celebrated.
Calvert says many women and vulva-having people have internalised negative messages about their genitals, sex and pleasure. ‘They may be uncomfortable about receiving oral sex because it puts them in the spotlight and they feel less in control. They may feel pressure to perform to please their partner – pressure to orgasm,’ she adds.
If you want to receive oral sex but feel self-conscious for any reason, Calvert suggests getting to know your own body. ‘Think about your relationship with your genitals – what do you feel about your vulva? What do you feel about oral sex and receiving pleasure? When having sex, practice staying in the body, and in the present.’
‘Focus on the sensations, rather than going into the mind and getting lost in thoughts, which cause us to disconnect from our bodies – and, depending upon the thoughts, can cause anxiety. Notice what it feels like. Sink/relax into the feeling. Make the goal to focus on pleasure, rather than to orgasm,’ she adds.
If you’re worried about the taste or smell of your vulva and this is putting you off receiving cunnilingus, you needn’t be. ‘Many women think that their genitals have a particular smell and this may make feel them unattractive,’ says Godoy. ‘Your genitals smell good, it smells like genital, that’s it.’
But if you don’t enjoy cunnilingus for any reason, tell your partner. ‘If you dislike how your partner is giving oral sex it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong, or there is something wrong with you, because you don’t enjoy it,’ says Calvert.
Many women think that their genitals have a particular smell and this may make feel them unattractive.
‘Our likes and dislikes may change over time and vary in different situations or contexts. Communicate with a positive focus, think about what you do enjoy, be playful and experiment,’ adds Calvert. ‘Use non-verbal communication too, using your hands or body to indicate what you like. Generally, partners want to know that they’re hitting the spot, and good communication is the key.’
Cunnilingus is not risk-free, despite what you may have heard. Becky Lund-Harket, founder of The Candid Collective and workshop facilitator for Sexplain explains, ‘There is a risk of transmission when genitals are involved in sex, so that includes cunnilingus and other oral sex as well as manual stimulation including hand stuff, if using the same hand on different genitals, anal sex and penis-in-vagina sex.’
The STIs most commonly passed during oral sex are herpes , gonorrhoea and syphilis , Lund-Harket says. Chlamydia , HIV , hepatitis A, B and C and genital warts can also be passed on through cunnilingus, but are less likely to be.
To ensure the oral sex you’re having is safe, use protection like condoms and dental dams.
To ensure the oral sex you’re having is safe, ‘use protection like condoms and dental dams,’ Lund-Harket explains. ‘Dental dams are specifically for use during oral sex involving the vulva or anus. They are thin sheets of latex or polyurethane which stretch over the area acting as a barrier, and oral sex can then be given/received through the dam. They are less readily available than condoms but some sexual health centres will stock them or you can purchase them online.’
As well as using protection, Lund-Harket says ‘honest communication with your sexual partners is also paramount to keep everyone safe!’ She recommends getting an STI test every six months, or with every new long-term partner. ‘Please go for a test if you are specifically concerned about a sexual experience you have had, or if a sexual partner has told you they have tested positive for an STI.’

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Cunnilingus has an undeserved reputation as one of the trickiest sexual acts to perform well. I think this characterization is grounded in cultural judgments of the vulva as being “complicated” and “mysterious. ” Let’s lay this unfair reputation to rest with some straightforward advice on performing awesome cunnilingus.
About 30% of my female clients have never taken a good look at what they’ve got going on between…
For this guide, I’ve enlisted the help of Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide To Pleasuring A Woman . As a sex therapist, I’ve read a lot of sexual advice books. She Comes First easily ranks in my personal top five. Most sex books are too vague to actually be useful, but Kerner covers every aspect of cunnilingus in detail, and gives tons of specific techniques. Kerner had a personal stake in honing his oral sex technique, too—he bravely admits in the opening chapter that his struggles with premature ejaculation motivated him to find other ways of pleasing his partners. So, with his advice, here’s a step-by-step guide to learning how to give your partner great head.
*Please note that while Kerner’s book is written for men, his advice works for women who perform cunnilingus too.
A lot of people simply don’t feel comfortable receiving oral sex. For some women in particular , this is due to insecurities about their scent or taste, or their internalized beliefs that their genitals are “ugly. ” Some worry that their partners are finding the experience unpleasant. Others dislike being the center of attention, or find themselves unable to relax when receiving. Women are socialized to be hypercritical of their bodies, so having your eyes, nose, and mouth right in the middle of one of the most sensitive parts of it is going to evoke at least a little resistance.
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You’re not going to be able to completely change your partner’s relationship with th ei r body in one fell tongue-swoop, but you can make a special effort to help them feel more at ease. Kerner says part of doing so involves changing your own perceptions of oral sex. One of the biggest misconceptions about cunnilingus is that “‘outercourse’ is less satisfying than ‘intercourse’.” For many , oral sex is the most physically pleasurable sexual act. It’s not “foreplay” in the sense that you spend a few minutes on it, then move on to the “main course.” When you offer to go down on someone , make it clear that you’re taking this activity seriously, and are excited to do it.
Kerner has a chapter called “The Cunnlingus Manifesto,” which includes three important guidelines for helping you and your partner enjoy the experience even more:
Going down on her turns you on; you enjoy it as much as she does.
There’s no rush; she has all the time in the world. You want to savor every moment.
Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful. It all emanates from the same, beautiful essence.
If you can convey each of these beliefs in a sincere way, you’re miles ahead of most people!
Taking your time is another great way to help your partner feel more relaxed and excited about what you have in store . The clitoris is extremely sensitive, so you don’t want to dive in right away. Kerner recommends spending plenty of time “kissing, hugging, touching, and sharing fantasies,” and making sure your partner is aroused before starting to make your way between their legs. Once you’re down there, continue taking your time. Kerner says to “start with light vertical licks from bottom to top.”
It t akes women 20 minutes on average to reach orgasm, so it’s important that you settle in for the journey, too:
Make sure your body is supported and that you’re stretched out and recumbent. You want your gums and tongue more at a 45 degree angle than 90 degrees, which is more comfortable. Let her do some of the work by pressing her body into your gum line. Her legs should be close enough together that you can lean to the right or left and rest your head comfortably against her leg while never missing a lick.
If you’re not a fan of laying on your stomach, you can try kneeling at the foot of the bed between their legs. Whatever you do, just make sure you’re prepared to take your time.
Kerner’s clients have some hilarious descriptions of the oral sex their partners performed. One woman complained that her partner treated cunnilingus like “the running of the bulls in Spain—a mad stampede for the clit.” Another said it felt like a “cobra defending itself from a mongoose.” Continuing the colorful metaphor trend, Kerner says, “Think of your tongue like the fluttering of gentle butterfly wings or like a thick wet magic marker carefully drawing a still-life.” Translation: it’s better to be gentle and methodical than too rough or overly acrobatic.
That means you have to find a method that works and stick with it. One of the things I like best about She Comes First is that Kerner goes through detailed routines of strokes and techniques, in specific order. There’s no fluff like, “just keep licking!” Everything is laid out for you. I asked Kerner for a basic routine to start with, and he gladly obliged:
Spread her labia and focus on licking the area of the front commissure, just above the glans (the clitoris). Use the index finger of your free hand to occasionally intersperse horizontal finger strokes across the glans with vertical tongue strokes.
As her arousal is increasing, you can insert a single finger, or possibly two. Use your tongue at first to enhance arousal and then a finger to complement and push arousal to the next stage. Don’t try to “fuck” her vagina with either tongue or fingers. Press your fingers upwards into her G-spot, while applying persistent licks.
With your free hand, you can touch her breasts, gently squeeze her nipples, caress her stomach or place under a butt cheek for support.
This is a straightforward technique that can serve as a great place to start, but keep in mind that every person likes different things when it comes to cunnilingus. Some like oral and manual stimulation at the same time, while others don’t. Some orgasm best from tongue circles around the clitoris, others prefer a light sucking motion. Kerner recommends watching and listening to their reactions to find what works best, but there’s another old standby that works just as well (if not better): ask your partner! If they know what they like, they’ll probably gladly tell you. And if you two haven’t become comfortable talking about sex yet, we’ve written about how to get better — even if you’re shy .
Sex is one of the most difficult topics to talk about openly, and there are plenty of people out…
Kerner’s approach to cunnilingus is unique in focusing on the commissure, which is the area right above the clitoris and clitoral hood. It’s a smooth area of skin that tends to get ignored, due to its proximity to the obviously more infamous clitoris. In his chapters on female anatomy, Kerner talks about the fact that pressure on the commissure can stimulate some of the internal fibers of the clitoris. Here’s one of Kerner’s specific technique for the pleasuring the commissure:
Make your mouth into an Elvis Presley snarl and press your gum into her front commissure. Make a seal between your gum and her front commissure. You want to be a bit high above the glans, at a 45 degree angle to her vaginal entrance. Continue to apply persistent licks.
If you’re having a hard time visualizing this, think about what your lips look like when you’re taking a bite out of an apple (minus the teeth of course!).
As your partner starts nearing orgasm , Kerner advises pulling t heir legs closer together to increase the stimulation. But there’s one thing, above all else, that you should remember as they gets close to orgasm: do not change what you’re doing in terms of routine and pacing. Do not let yourself get sped up by their rising intensity. Keep being deliberate and methodical. Consistency is key for most women, so once you’ve found something that works, stick to it and do not stray from the path! If you do, you may have a very frustrated partner on your hands.
Wired has put together a great little video about some of the science behind the female orgasm,…
The clitoris is extremely sensitive after orgasm, so give your partner a chance to cool down and settle back in before attempting any other action. Say how much you enjoyed lavishing attention on their beautiful body, and congratulate yourself on a job well done. This article was originally published in June 2015 and updated on Dec. 30, 2020 to incorporate more gender-neutral language and align the content with current Lifehacker style.

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