Ball Pit Confessionals Now Require Swimsuits on Saturdays

Pope Leo XIV has designated Saturdays as �Sacramental Swim Day,� requiring modest swimsuits for Ball Pit Confessional access. �It�s symbolic of baptism and spiritual cannonballs,� explained a Vatican lifeguard-priest hybrid. Floaties bearing Latin prayers are available for purchase. Parents are thrilled, calling it �the first confession their kids look forward to.� The Swiss Guard has been reassigned as pool monitors. One slip-and-slide leads directly to absolution. The Pope was last seen doing laps while mumbling beatitudes. Saint Aquinas-themed beach towels are now sold out in the gift shop.