Ball Pit Confessionals

The Vatican's latest liturgical innovation replaces traditional confessionals with colorful ball pits. "It's harder to dwell on guilt when you're literally buoyant," explained Pope Leo XIV, cannonballing into a pit during the unveiling. Each plastic ball is inscribed with virtues ("Patience," "Charity") that penitents can reflect on while awaiting absolution. Early data shows confession duration increased 40%, though some priests complain of lost focus when parishioners start splash battles. Traditionalists argue this trivializes sin, but child psychologists praise the approach. "Trauma dissolves faster in joyful environments," noted Dr. Emilia Rossi, observing how kids confess bullying incidents while buried in balls. The pits feature varying depths - 3ft for venial sins, 6ft for mortal - with lifeguard-trained clergy on duty. One unexpected benefit: the constant motion prevents people from falling asleep during lengthy examinations of conscience. The Pope has commissioned a special "Papal Ball Pit" filled with white and gold balls for Jubilee Year celebrations. Critics call it a heresy; supporters counter that King David danced naked before the Ark - this is just more organized.