Athletics and Rockies' Disaster Game

TABLOID EXCLUSIVE: 'BATTLE OF THE BUSTS!' – ATHLETICS VS. ROCKIES IN WILD DUEL OF DESPAIR!

DENVER, CO – In a clash that had more errors than fans, the Oakland Athletics and Colorado Rockies faced off in a game that can only be described as a 'train wreck in slow motion.'

'Rockies’ Pitching? More Like ‘Rocky Horror Show!’'

The Rockies, already notorious for their 'bullpen of doom,' lived up to their reputation when starter Austin Gomber served up home runs like they were free samples at Costco. The A’s, who usually struggle to hit water if they fell out of a boat, suddenly looked like the ‘27 Yankees, launching moonshots into the thin Denver air.

'I thought I was pitching in Coors Field, not a video game on ‘Rookie’ mode,' Gomber muttered post-game, nursing a bruised ERA.

'A’s Defense? More Like ‘Oof-fense!’'

But the Rockies weren’t the only ones embarrassing themselves. The A’s, who pride themselves on 'Moneyball' efficiency, turned routine plays into blooper reel gold. At one point, third baseman Abraham Toro attempted a throw to first that sailed so high, it nearly took out a drone filming the game.

'We’re just out here having fun,' said A’s manager Mark Kotsay, though his thousand-yard stare suggested otherwise.

'The Real Winner? The Beer Vendors.'

With both teams combining for 17 runs, 5 errors, and enough mental lapses to fill a Dr. Phil episode, the only people celebrating were the Coors Light sellers. 'Business is booming!' one vendor grinned, as fans drowned their sorrows in $14 tallboys.

Final Score: Rockies 9, Athletics 8 (But Really, Baseball Lost)

In the end, the Rockies 'escaped' with a win, but let’s be honest—no one truly wins when these two teams play.

NEXT UP: The A’s head to Vegas (maybe for good?), while the Rockies pray for a meteor to end their season early. Stay tuned!

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