Anxiety And Sex Drive

Anxiety And Sex Drive
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Experts share how the mental health issue affects what goes down in the bedroom and how to deal with it.
May 30, 2019, 05:45 AM EDT | Updated May 31, 2019
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Living with anxiety often means it’s present wherever you go ― including between the sheets.
“Anxiety and sex are not happy bedfellows,” said Jassy Casella Timberlake , a Massachusetts-based licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified sex therapist, aptly summing up a complex issue.
Whether it’s anxiety/stress itself or the medication you use to treat it, the issue can have wide-ranging effects on a person’s sex life. While no two people will experience mental health conditions in exactly the same way, you should be aware of some general truths about anxiety and sex.
Below, experts share what you might expect, plus some strategies to cope:
The most ubiquitous effect of anxiety on your sex life is a lowered libido, or desire to have sex, according to Abby Altman , a New York-based psychiatrist. Higher levels of cortisol are associated with anxiety and stress emotions, and high cortisol can suppress sex hormones that impact desire.
Having sex when you’re feeling anxious is also basically like asking your mind to multitask, which is hard to do.
“It’s almost as though you have two competing interests for the same neurological system,” Altman said. “You have the anxiety, which uses the pathway of the autonomic nervous system, and you also have the sexual activity, which employs the very same system.”
So it’s not surprising why that doesn’t exactly put you in the mood.
But it’s worth noting that not everyone will experience a decreased libido. “There are some who may use sex as an anxiety reliever, or who will masturbate compulsively, for instance,” Altman added.
Data also supports that some people may have an increased sex drive when they’re feeling anxious. All this to say: there’s really no “normal” way to react to stressors.
Anxiety can also affect the sex you do have. For one, anxiety can delay or impede your ability to orgasm, and make it harder to maintain an erection, Altman said.
Additionally, some of the physical symptoms of anxiety can throw a wrench in your plans. Those symptoms include tensed or clenched muscles, rapid breathing and lightheadedness — all of which can be pretty distracting if they’re coming from a feeling of panic and dread and not, say, an orgasm.
Casella Timberlake added that the distraction that anxiety can bring into the bedroom certainly doesn’t help you stay connected to your partner in the moment.
“People take that anxiety personally. They think it’s got something to do with them when their partner’s libido has dropped,” she said. “Anxiety can be picked up by the partner, and then they just bat that ball back and forth between them.”
Then, of course, there’s anxiety about sex, which can complicate things even further. Whether there’s a history of sexual trauma, performance anxiety or fallout from a shame-based upbringing, Casella Timberlake said that issues surrounding intimacy can greatly impact the sex you have.
For example, some people may experience vaginismus , where the vaginal muscles will clench so tightly during penetration that intercourse becomes incredibly painful. In many cases, the root of vaginismus is anxiety about sex that was brought about by past trauma or shame-based education surrounding sex, according to experts.
In an unfortunate Catch-22, the very same medications that treat anxiety can also lower your sex drive. Altman said that doctors will often prescribe SSRIs ― selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors ― to treat anxiety. However, too much serotonin can decrease your libido and make it harder to orgasm.
All of this doesn’t mean you’re relegated to a subpar sex life.
If it’s anxiety medication that’s causing you concern, Altman advised talking to your doctor. Your dose could be adjusted or you could switch to a different medication, although it’s worth noting a different drug might bring about other equally undesirable side effects.
Your doctor might try adding an antidepressant medication like Wellbutrin to your existing regimen, as it’s been shown to mitigate some of the negative sexual side effects of other medications, Altman said. If your anxiety is severe enough to be impacting your daily life, it’s understandable that doctors will prioritize that and the medicine that helps you instead of sex, Altman said. That being said, don’t let it deter you from advocating for yourself. A satisfying sex life is also important for your mental health, she added.
If your anxiety is unrelated to medication, you also have strategies to get more out of your intimate life. Talking to a sex therapist could be a great place to start, especially if you think that past trauma could be at play.
“One of the things that’s beneficial about having a sex therapist is that we’re trained to gently help people develop more comfort talking about sex,” Casella Timberlake said.
A sex therapist can help you work through concerns and facilitate communication with your partner if anxiety has caused a breakdown in your intimacy. However, therapy is often expensive and inaccessible. You could try a more affordable option , like text therapy, group therapy or finding someone who can provide sliding scale session rates based on your income.
Additionally, Casella Timberlake recommended trying stress-relieving techniques like meditation or mindfulness exercises. Given the many physical ways in which anxiety manifests, it can be useful to really focus on where you feel that anxiety in your body, she noted. Does it make you take shallow breaths? Tense up your muscles? If you can better understand the ways you experience anxiety, you can work on developing specific coping skills for your particular body. If you’re new to meditation, you might start with one of these apps .
Even a little self-exploration on your own might also help. While it might be difficult at first to manage your anxiety with a partner, figuring out what turns you on (and finishing in the process) can help ease your stress and know what to communicate to someone else when the time comes .
While it’s true anxiety and sex might not be “happy bedfellows,” exploring your options for treatment can make your bed cozier for you and whatever else you’re bringing along for the ride.
“Living With” is a guide to navigating conditions that affect your mind and body. Each month, HuffPost Life will tackle very real issues people live with by offering different stories, advice and ways to connect with others who understand what it’s like. In May, we’re covering anxiety in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month . Got an experience you’d like to share? Email wellness@huffpost.com.

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Anxiety is an overwhelming form of daily stress. Many find that living with anxiety daily causes them to experience significant sadness and discomfort in their everyday life, often leading to less enjoyment of the things that previously caused them happiness.
That's why when you have anxiety, it is not uncommon to also experience low libido. Your sex drive is directly affected by the way you feel, and anxiety is the type of condition that can make it hard to find your partner or the idea of lovemaking to be arousing.
Low libido is a complicated issue, and it's rarely related to a single cause. Every day your hormones and arousal changes based on your nutrition, the amount of sleep you get, your love and attraction to your partner, and more.
A weak libido is a common problem for people that suffer from anxiety. The following are some of the reasons anxiety may reduce libido:
These are just a few of the many links between anxiety and libido. In some cases, the exact connection may be even more complex. The key issue to understand is that the mental and physical changes that come from dealing with regular anxiety make it difficult to find arousal and enjoyment in your partner or the idea of sexual intercourse.
When anxiety causes you to experience low libido, the first step is, of course, to cure your anxiety. But anxiety reduction is a long-term process, and not something that is complete overnight. In the interim, make sure you're trying all of the following:
Your general health directly affects your libido and is important for reducing anxiety. Make sure you have a healthy diet and are exercising regularly. Keeping your body in the best of health is a powerful way to improve your overall arousal levels, which are often affected by things like food, exercise, and sleep.
When anxiety affects your arousal, don't try to hide it. Trying to hide it and overcome it causes further stress because you'll find that you try too hard to get aroused. Arousal is an automatic function, and not something you can force, so the more you try to force it the harder it gets. If you talk to your partner about it, you'll find that the added pressure of knowing that you're open about the problem takes some of the stress off of you.
Extended time away from an active sex life can put a strain on your relationship and potentially lead to more stress. If possible, try to make love anyway for fun. Talk to your partner, and don't make it a stressful event. Make it something you do to keep your sex life going and try to remember the enjoyment you experience when you do get aroused. If making love isn't physically possible, at the very least you should spend time being romantic and having fun in an intimate way to at least keep that component a part of your life.
Do you have a specific question that this article didn’t answered? Send us a message and we’ll answer
it for you!

Fact Checked by Faiq Shaikh, M.D.
Updated on March 1, 2021.

Fact Checked by Faiq Shaikh, M.D.
Updated on February 12, 2021.

Fact Checked by Denise Griswold, MSc, LCAS
Updated on February 12, 2021.

Fact Checked by Jenna Jarrold, MS, LAC, NCC
Updated on October 10, 2020.

Written by Micah Abraham, BSc
Updated on October 10, 2020.

Fact Checked by Daniel Sher, MA, Clin Psychology
Updated on October 10, 2020.

Fact Checked by Faiq Shaikh, M.D.
Updated on October 10, 2020.

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How Anxiety Can Impact Your Sex Life And What To Do About It Anxiety can take a toll on your sex life in a few ways but there are solutions if you’re interested in getting your mojo back.
How Anxiety Can Impact Your Sex Life And What To Do About It
How Anxiety Can Impact Your Sex Life And What To Do About It
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Anxiety disorders are common mental health conditions that affect an estimated 7 percent of adults worldwide. ( 1 ) Anxiety disorders fall into several categories: Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) in which people experience intense worry that interferes with daily life, panic disorder, in which people repeatedly experience panic attacks, and phobia-related disorders, in which people have intense fears about certain situations or objects. ( 2 )
Anxiety can also be a normal part of life and doesn’t always indicate a mental health condition. It’s common to feel occasional anxiety about health, work, relationships, and world events. Even for those whose experience of anxiety doesn’t fit the criteria for a mental health diagnosis, however, anxiety can affect daily life, including sex.
Anxiety can have physical, psychological, and emotional effects, including intense worry, fear, or distraction, muscle tension, shortness of breath, and sleep problems like insomnia. ( 2 ) All these symptoms can make it more difficult to relax and be present during sex. Here are a few ways anxiety can impact your sex life.
Sex and relationship expert and author of forthcoming book Chasing Clouds Annabelle Knight, Bsc. , tells O.school, “When a person is suffering from anxiety they have higher levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. High levels of cortisol acts as a sexual suppressant.” She adds that anxiety can also take an emotional toll, which can in turn impact your desire for sex. “You may not want to be physically or emotionally close to your partner when you're overwhelmed by anxiety.”
Dr. Gail Saltz , a therapist and professor of psychiatry, adds that, “High anxiety may decrease libido (desire) because much of one's thinking is taken up with anxious thoughts. Even if libido is there, the ability to achieve arousal and orgasm is inhibited. […] People with anxiety often report feeling out of body, and more like they are self-observing sex.”
Anxious thoughts can get in the way of sexual arousal and impact someone’s ability to get hard or wet, or to reach orgasm. Focusing on a stressor or a source of anxiety can make it difficult to relax enough to become sexually aroused. ( 3 ) Insecurity about your body, anxiety about intimacy, or repetitive thoughts that distract you from the sensations in your body can all contribute to challenges with sexual performance. ( 3 )
You may also experience sexual performance anxiety , which is a specific type of anxiety that makes it hard to enjoy sex with a partner. A person who experiences this type of anxiety may find the pressure to please their partner, to become erect or wet, or to have an orgasm overwhelming.
Kate Moyle , psychosexual and relationship therapist and host of The Sexual Wellness Sessions Podcast, tells O.school, “On the physical side of things, anxiety can interrupt normal sexual functioning and cause [...] vaginismus [vaginal pain] , rapid ejaculation or erectile dysfunction .” For some people, pain during sex can be the result of a feedback loop between anxious thoughts and vaginal muscles spasms. ( 4 ) Research has suggested that cortisol, which may be elevated in people with anxiety, can make it more difficult to get or maintain an erection.
Molye tells O.school that “some medications used to treat conditions like anxiety and depression can impact people's sexual responses and experience.” If you’re taking medication for anxiety and experiencing sexual changes that bother you, it’s a good idea to check in with your healthcare provider to see if the dosage can be adjusted to minimize side effects, or if there’s another treatment that may work for you. It’s important to work with a healthcare provider if you’re thinking about making changes to your medication; stopping medications or trying to adjust the dose on your own can be dangerous.
Relationships often present challenges that require communication and compromise. If you’re struggling with anxiety, these challenges can be amplified, and may feel harder to manage.
Relationship expert Laurel Steinberg, PhD , tells O.school that people who have anxiety may “struggle to handle new stressors that come their way, [which] can result in couples arguing much more than they otherwise would, or could cause people to shut down and withdraw from their partners.”
Knight agrees that anxiety can lead to withdrawal and a lack of connection: “Anxiety causes avoidance, which in turn can place a strain on your relationship.”
If anxiety is impacting your relationship, it may be helpful to keep in mind that it’s totally normal to experience challenges in partnership. Acknowledging that all relationships have ups and downs and giving yourself permission to take care of your mental health can help you to move forward without blaming your partner or yourself.
Addressing your anxiety directly can be helpful for your sex life and for your general wellbeing. Here are some tips for navigating sex if you have anxiety.
1. Address your anxiety. Dr. Saltz emphasizes that “anxiety is treatable and [treatment] can help the patient and overall relationship.” Psychotherapy and medication have both been shown to be effective treatments for anxiety. ( 5 ; 6 ) Even if you don’t choose to pursue therapy or medication, it may be worthwhile to try other strategies to manage anxiety: Dr. Steinberg tells O.school that, in addition to seeking help from a mental health professional, “People with anxiety that interferes with their enjoyment of life [can] read books to learn new thinki
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