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16 Things You Should Know by Your Sweet 16
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From life guidance to sex advice, this is what "Teen Vogue" editors wish we knew at 16.
Teen Vogue is celebrating its Sweet 16 this year! In honor of this exciting milestone, we’re publishing a series of stories about the ups and downs of turning 16. Read the entire special issue.
They say that with age comes wisdom. The older you get, the more life experience you have, so it makes sense that you get savvier and smarter with age. By the time you turn sweet 16, a culturally iconic age, there are a few key pieces of knowledge you should have under your belt.
Of course, 16 is still pretty young in the grand scheme of things, so Teen Vogue editors are sharing what we wish we'd known at that age, including serious life guidance and sex advice, here's what we at Teen Vogue wish we had known.
Doing what others want you to isn't as important as doing what's best for you. Whether it's not joining a club your parents want you to, or not going along with some suspicious plans your friends have, it's OK to take steps that are good for your life. But be warned: Not pleasing others could mean you let people down sometimes, but that's totally OK.
With so much pressure to be the best, and with such focus on extracurriculars that will help you get into college, it can feel like you have to be a master at every single thing. The reality is that no one is great at everything they try. Trying new things is great, and having a lot of hobbies can be fun, but you should understand that sometimes you might not be the best — and you don't need to be. Being really good at one thing is just as valuable as being OK at a lot of things.
We all know those people who seem to have perfect lives, or perfect grades, or a perfect plan for the future. But the truth is, nobody really knows what they're doing and whether it's the right thing because there is no one right way to be. As you get older, it will become more obvious that everyone is just kind of winging it — in school and careers. As long as you're trying your best, you're doing OK. Things are never quite as perfect they seem.
Your friend group doesn't have to dress the same, listen to the same music, and have the same hobbies. In fact, your life will be more interesting if you have friends with varied interests. So don't feel pressure to collect a group of people who are the same as you, and don't feel like you don't fit in because you like different things than your pals do. The beauty of having friends is embracing and learning from differences.
In other words, how you feel right now won't last forever. Bad, painful, and embarrassing moments will pass, so give yourself space to process those feelings and trust that whatever they are will feel different with the benefit of time and clarity. This doesn't cheapen your feelings or make them any less important — it's just to say that eventually things will get better, so you have something brighter to look forward to.
Some people are, and you might be — which is great! But if you're not, it can seem like everyone except you is having sex. Trust us when we say this is not the case. Research has shown that we think people are having more sex than they actually are. Everyone should have sex in their own time, and shouldn't feel pressured or rushed just because other people may or may not be doing it.
And you should be, too! Masturbation is completely normal and healthy. For some, there can be a lot of stigma around masturbation, but rest assured that you're doing nothing wrong when you masturbate. In fact, you're doing something right. Touching yourself helps you learn what feels good for you, which can lead to better, healthier sex with a partner in the future. It's also a form of totally safe sex, so have a blast!
It can take years and years to really come into your identity, and that identity can shift and change over time. Whether it's your interests, sexuality, gender identity, or style, don't feel rushed in figuring yourself out. Who you are is up to you and no one else, so don't feel like you need to listen to others' interpretations of you.
Your real friends will appreciate you and everything you bring to the table. If a group of so-called pals is making you feel like you're not good enough or like you need to change to fit in, your energy is probably better spent connecting with other people. This will save you a lot of time, and likely a lot of tears. If you need advice on how to part with a group or person who is not serving you, head over here.
And you don't need to date anyone. There can be a lot of pressure to be in a romantic relationship in high school, but the truth is that your bond with your friends is much more important, and will serve you for way longer than a few dates with your crush. If you do connect with a romantic partner, that's great. But don't feel pressure to forge bonds that aren't healthy or don't serve you just to be in a relationship, or find a prom date. Instead, spend time figuring out what makes you feel good and having fun with your friends.
If you do decide to date, you don't need to conform to heteronormative standards to do it. More and more young people are identifying as queer, so if you do too, you're in good company. Unfortunately, identifying as LGBTQ or dating in queer relationships still isn't accepted across the board, and you know what's safest and best for you in your situation. Ultimately, though, you don't need to make yourself into anyone you aren't — and that includes your sexuality.
Drinking won't help you answer the questions you have about the world, and it won't make you forget about your fears, anxieties, or issues. Instead, it can exacerbate your problems and even create more of them. We definitely don't condone underage drinking, but we understand that it happens. So if you're going to drink alcohol, be sure to do it safely, and know that it's not going to magically make your life better or more fun.
We encourage it! Physical, emotional, and mental boundaries are so important, and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty about having them. Standing firm in your boundaries can be affirming, and make you feel really powerful.
Sometimes your friends think something is cool or want you to do something you're not comfortable with. This is where those boundaries come in, but also when you should check in with yourself to see what your gut is telling you. If you feel uncomfortable or at risk, don't do it! It's OK to make these decisions for yourself.
There's a saying that your high school days are the best years of your life, but, honestly, that's pretty dark. You have so much living to do after high school! This saying just puts undue pressure on young people to get their teen years right, but what does that even mean? It also can feel particularly daunting if things aren't so great for you right now. But don't worry — you have your whole life to figure out what you like and what makes you happy, and you'll have great years when you're a teen and well after that, too. If things are bad now, they will get better, and you will have better years ahead.
At 16, there's a lot of pressure. From friends to dating to college to family stuff, it can be overwhelmingly hard. We get it — really, we do. But looking back at our own 16-year-old selves, we wish we had known that we didn't have to carry so much weight. That's kind of the culmination of the previous 15 points we've made — at 16, you're still figuring things out, and that's OK. It's OK if you don't know what career you want, what your sexuality is, what your gender is, where you want to live, and what kind of friends you want to have. It's OK if you don't know who you are. It's OK if you fail a test. It's OK if your sweet 16 isn't that sweet. As long as you're trying to be the best version of yourself, you can spend your whole life figuring out what that means. The goal is really to have fun, form bonds, and live a good life along the way. You won't have all the answers at 16, 20, 30, or at any age — the sooner we all learn that, the better things will be.
The young person’s guide to conquering (and saving) the world. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment.
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