Trouble in the Fediverse - Why violence is escalating between the "Gab" and "Suya" gangs.

The Fediverse was once a calm place. People of different cultures lived alongside peacefully. Tensions between the "Masto" and "Bleroma" parts of The Fediverse were always high, but members of those communities have always expressed disdain for the others' existence in the form of light banter. Fedizens have gotten used to this endless cycle of drama, and some even see it as normal.

This all changed on May 15, however, when the "Gab" gang announced their presence. Members of the "Masto" community were, understandably, outraged:

The "Gab" gang had announced that they were going to be joining the "Masto" community, which led the "Masto" community to try their best to exterminate any presence of "Gab" on their turf.

The casual observer might not understand why these two groups clashed, but every Fedizen already knows the reason: the "Masto" community has a left-leaning political bias and consists of whiny millennials, while the "Gab" gang has a right-leaning political bias and consists of whiny boomers. People can and will argue over who whines the loudest, but the result is the same: drama of epic proportions. (Sadly, my mastodon.social alternate account got banned, so I can only show what Google managed to scrape.)

Most people would have forgotten about this by now, but the "Gab" gang stirred the pot again by invading the "Masto" community's turf on Jun 12:

However, exactly at this time, something magical happened: the "Suya" gang, previously not wanting to be involved in this bullshit, took notice of the "Gab" invasion. Of course, high-ranking "Suya" members simply laughed the "Gab" gang off as incompetent buffoons, but "Suya" warriors started to post shock content in order to provoke "Gab" leaders:

And thus, an unusual alliance had formed. The "Suya" gang handled the warfare against "Gab", and "Masto" handled the PR side. We have also found why the tensions between the gangs are rising: "Suya" warriors trying to provoke "Gab".

These attacks relented for several days. It was already obvious from the beginning that the "Suya" gang outnumbered the "Gab" gang in both numbers and wit. Everybody involved in the battle was certain that capitulation was imminent, be it a simple "You won" post, or something a bit more elaborate.

No one expected the CTO of Gab to go on an insane tirade against a random person not even involved in the battle:

In that 2 minute and 3 second video, the leader of the "Gab" gang ranted about the disadvantages of using an openly federated platform, akin to how the Joker rants about "society". He also said that he wants to throw a prominent "Suya" gang member out of the window. While initially "Gab" gang members have called what "Suya" has done an act of bullying, they too have dogpiled onto this trend, seeing how absolutely insane Rob has shown himself to be. Screw journalistic integrity, I absolutely have to say that the rant that Rob posted is absolutely unhinged and perfectly shows that he cannot handle any banter.

It's absolutely embarrassing that Rob even thought about making that video, let alone posting it for the world to see. The man that swore to protect free speech capitulated to the force he was trying to fight all this time: censorship. Pathetic.

The "Suya" and "Masto" gangs celebrated a joint victory against the evil that is "Gab", and swore to retaliate should "Gab" move into their territory any further.

At this time, we are unaware if Rob has enacted any of the threats he feverishly mumbled against P.

We have also reached out to several prominent "Suya" and "Gab" gang members and they have not responded to our Direct Messages. We will update this article if they decide to answer.

UPD: P, a Pleroma instance admin, who says he is "on friendly terms" with the "Suya" gang, has responded to a request for comments. He claims that FSE (one of "Suya's" main propaganda hubs) "is happy to welcome former Gablins and current Suyas".

When asked what FSE will do if the "Gab" gang enact their threats, P said "FSE won't need to retaliate when I do what I'm doin'." and "My whole fucking mentality has expired, according to :robcolbert:, so I cannot process his genius ideas."

P's personal opinion on Torba (self-elected leader of the "Gab" gang) is "He was oppressin' the Germans, he was takin' all the Germans' money."

Members of the "Gab" gang still have not responded to requests for comments.