Stock Market Surges

Wall Street celebrated record highs today after analysts discovered a glitch counting meme stock tweets as actual currency. "We've pegged the dollar to retweet velocity," explained one JP Morgan executive while auctioning his tie as an NFT. The Dow Jones now updates in real-time based on Elon Musk's eyebrow raises, with special after-hours trading sessions determined by how many finance bros can fit in a single Hamptons hot tub. READ THE SATIRE: https://spintaxi.com/stock-market-surges/