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As far as terrible years go, 2017 pretty much takes the cake. From natural disasters to national disasters to the fact that Kylie Jenner STILL hasn't officially told us whether or not she's pregnant, this year has not been awesome. But alas, I come bearing some news that some people's 2017 was even worse than yours. Yes, this year sucked, but when you see this list of the things people got stuck in their vaginas in 2017, you might feel slightly better about the way your year went. (This is, of course, assuming you didn't get a foreign object stuck in your vagina this year. And if you did, I'm so sorry.)
DailyMail.com cited the US Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits to uncover a list of the weirdest things people reportedly got stuck in their vaginas and penises. Personally, I was expecting to read items like a few tampons and maybe a cucumber, but let me just say that some of the items included on this list are guaranteed to shock you to your core.
Before we get started, take this fact into account: According to DailyMail.com, vaginal canals are typically about 9.6 centimeters long (AKA 3.8 inches). So keep that number in mind when you're trying to visualize the sizes of some of these items people managed to get lodged up in there this year.
Without further ado, I present to you the list of the top 16 weird things people got stuck in their vaginas in 2017, according to DailyMail.com:
The doctor's note for this one reads that the patient was "using massaging urethral vaginal stone balls, the string holding 15 balls together dissolved." Unfortunately, doctors could "only find 14 balls."
Apparently, the patient in this scenario "was having sex with boyfriend when he put phone and money in vagina."
The doctor's note for this item reads that this unfortunate soul was "on period, inserted non-birth control sponge in vagina so she could swim."
This patient clearly had a sense of humor when she said, "You know, for when your husband leaves town." BOW CHICKA WOW WOW.
OK, so a penis ring with spikes on it, I get. Scented soap, I get. Even a sponge, I get! Honestly, I even sort of weirdly get headphones. But A PHONE AND MONEY?? Why did it have to be both? Why couldn't you just go for one or the other? Also, money is so dirty! Come on, guys!
But before you start hating on people getting things stuck in their vaginas, let me just say, people with penises weren't totally steering clear of stuffing stuff in their junk and getting it stuck, either.
Another looking into the database showed that people also got some pretty freaking weird things stuck in their wieners — yes, in their literal penises — this year, too. What were the top eight things ? Allow me to share:
The doctor's note reads that the " patient put paperclip through urethra and punctured through shaft of penis," according to DailyMail.com. Ow.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm sitting here dying to know just two things. First of all, how in the world did someone wind up with a "piece of domino" in their wiener? Second, what, exactly, was this "sharp toy," and was it made for children or adults? But, I guess some questions will just have to go unanswered.
I think it's safe to say I'm not alone when I say thank God 2017 is almost over. Thank. God.
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Published January 8, 2016 5:00am EST
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You’ve all heard horror stories of that one friend’s-cousin’s-classmate who put some random object inside her vagina during a heated moment and ended up in the hospital with an embarrassing story—and maybe even some serious physical damage. So what’s actually dangerous to put in there? We talked to a few health professionals to break it down. Here’s what to steer clear of…
Some women like to use douches to clean the vagina, but in actuality, this is totally unnecessary. It can also be dangerous because, according to Dr. Alyssa Dweck, a gynecologist and Assistant Clinical Professor at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, it can cause “a horrible imbalance of the typical bacteria that is supposed to be in the vagina and actually cause an infection.” Douching is a known culprit when it comes to pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and bacterial vaginosis. If you’re worried about keeping your vagina clean, the best thing you can do is wash your vulva with soap and water when you take a shower, being careful not to put any soap inside your vagina. See a doctor if you think something smells off. Ultimately, your vagina is self-cleaning, so it doesn’t need your help to make it cleaner.
Yes, steaming your vagina at the spa is totally a trend these days, and yes , it’s exactly what it sounds like. “They sit on a specific type of spa with no underwear, on special chairs that have herbal infused steam coming out of them, and they steam their bottom,” shares Dweck. “And while any sort of warm treatment could feel good and enhance blood supply to the area, we’ve seen some burns come out of this and irritation from the types of herbs, so I would use significant caution of that. I’m not sure how effective this is to do anything anyway.”
“If you’re using household oil as a lubricant, you need high-grade quality oil, not what you use in your kitchen to fry food,” says Dr. Raquel Dardik, M.D., a gynecologist and Associate Professor of Gynecology at NYU Langone Medical Center. “And you want to use oil that is pH neutral, so for example, almond oil, coconut oil, olive oil, probably okay.” What you don’t want to use is tea tree oil, which can cause scary chemical burns: “it’s incredibly caustic and will cause a vaginal burn, so probably not okay.”
“All that stuff has sugar which will change the bacteria and yeast proportions which can cause infections. Those substances can also be irritating to the vaginal skin, so it might seem like a good idea at the time, but you may have either vaginal irritation or a vaginal infection afterwards,” says Dardik.
“I would not recommend putting it inside the vagina,” says Dweck. “It’s really tough to get this stuff out, especially if it’s causing a reaction. Fair enough for sexual play if you want to put this stuff on the vulva or other portions of the body and get an erotic experience—that’s fine. But I wouldn’t advise putting it inside.”
This is occasionally thought of as an easy form of lubricant, but according to Dweck, Vaseline or any other type of petroleum product can actually be source of infection in the vagina.
7. Yeast infection home remedies, like yogurt-soaked tampons
According to Dweck, “Sometimes when people have a yeast infection and they feel like [yogurt on a tampon] is a more natural way to treat it. Probably not a great idea. Bacteria and yeast love dark, moist places so I think that could be causing of infection.” If you suspect you have a yeast infection, get checked out by a doctor and if she gives her okay, treat it with Monistat, an easy over-the-counter treatment, instead of yogurt.
For starters, the old wives’ tale is a lie: vegetables cannot take root inside your vagina and grow. There are some major concerns with putting veggies in there, though, according to Dardik. “Vegetables have pesticides, so you’re putting pesticides in your vagina which I don’t really recommend, and you can have them break off and have little bits and pieces that stay there for rather unhealthy amounts of time which, again, I don’t recommend. But nothing takes root, it’ll just rot.”
9. Anything you’ve just used for butt stuff and haven’t yet cleaned
“We see ‘vaginal pH havoc,’ if you will, break out from [using a toy in the vagina that has just been used for anal play],” says Dweck. “If you want to use a toy in the anal area, first of all, remember that it has to have some sort of a retrieval device, a string or something along that line. My husband happens to be a colon and rectal surgeon, so I hear of toys getting stuck in the colon because there is nothing to remove it. If you want to switch back and forth between vaginal and anal play then I would definitely wash the toy in between, and you may want to use a condom on some of the toys as well.”
“The blood supply to the inside of the vagina is so rich that even the smallest cut can cause incredible amounts of bleeding and although it’s a forgiving area and typically will heal, that’s not a chance that you really want to take,” says Dweck.
“I can only imagine a handle getting stuck inside the vagina or some trauma being caused, so I can’t really condone that,” Dweck insists.
“I’ve heard of the practice of putting alcohol on a tampon and putting it into the vagina for advanced absorption and getting a buzz off of that,” says Dweck. “I would say that sounds like it would be horribly uncomfortable and can cause damage to the vaginal mucous so I definitely wouldn’t advise that.”
Yes, the phone vibrates, but it doesn’t belong inside you. “I mean there’s a battery in there, that could certainly be a problem,” says Dweck.
This can definitely traumatize your lady parts in a flash—just ask this woman who tried it and ended up on Sex Sent Me To The ER!
Dweck experienced a horror story of her own when a patient came to her office after inserting a whipped cream aerosol container, complete with an attached cap, into her vagina (“because the shape of the top of it was a little bit phallic.”) Terrifyingly enough, “a couple hours later we were in the operating room removing it because it had caused so much trauma.”
Lest we forget about vagazzling, the hottest trend of 2010 (and don’t you worry, it’s still kickin’ in 2015), Dweck is here to remind us to be careful about the placement of those nifty rhinestones, because the glue used in the process can be an irritant. “Vagazzling is probably not an issue on the outside [of the vagina] but don’t put it on the inside. Some people have sensitive tissue and they get a reaction to the glue.” Case in point: keep the rhinestones in the same place you might normally put a landing strip, and nowhere else.
If that vibration of a toothbrush floats your boat, “use it clitorally rather than inside the vagina so that it’s external stimulation,” says Dweck, though as a general rule, she doesn’t really recommend you put any household items in there. That’s what vibrators are for!
“This is rare, I’ve seen it once in my 24 years of practice,” says Dweck, “but probably one of the worst experiences that I ever had was someone putting a small tiny animal in their vagina as part of their sexual play, so obviously I think that’s totally out.” Enough said.
The ultra-simple solution to avoid putting household no-nos in your hoo-ha? Get yourself some quality sex toys. “Women are very comfortable nowadays going and getting a vibrator,” says Dr. Dardik. “They don’t really feel like they need to sort of, you know, experiment with what’s at hand…All the vibrators or dildos [that are of quality] are made from sterile material that doesn’t hold bacteria, so they can be cleaned, they’re safe, they don’t change the vaginal pH, they don’t attract bacteria, so they’re the better option.”
Be picky when choosing a toy, and opt for a high-end product from a trustworthy company, because some sex toys could leak chemicals called phthalates, which may be harmful to your health. If a brand new toy smells strongly of chemicals (that indescribable “new plastic” smell we all recognize) when you first open it, it’s a strong indicator that it could be made with phthalates, which you should take into account when deciding whether and how you want to use it. If you plan to put the toy inside your vagina, first be sure that there are no instructions on the packaging that say “for external use only”—and if you do spot any, take them seriously. Try quality sellers like Babeland , Good Vibrations, and The Pleasure Chest (they sell toys online as well as in brick-and-mortar stores in case you’d like to shop from the privacy of your couch) to find toys and sexual health information you can actually trust. If you’re on a budget, affordable sex toys made by Trojan are available on Amazon and at local drugstores.
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Get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week; click here to sign up. Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com . (Questions may be edited.)
Got a burning question for Prudie? She’ll be online here on Slate to chat with readers each Monday at noon. Submit your questions and comments here before or during the live discussion.
Dear Prudence,
A few years ago my now 11-year-old daughter found the “back massager” stowed under my bed. I told her that it was for massaging sore muscles and this is, indeed, the way this massager is marketed. In fact, I use it during sex with my husband and for masturbation. Recently, this back massager has been disappearing into my daughter’s room, where she says she uses it to massage her muscles. I just discovered she is also experimenting with it on her genitals. I don’t have any problem with her discovering her sexuality, but it seems awkward and inappropriate that she is using the instrument that I use. I also think it is too powerful for her. Last night she told me that she had used it on her genitals and that they were swollen and hurt. I told her that she needed to take it easy and that the massager should only be used on sore muscles. What should I do? I feel like she will continue to ask me for the massager and potentially use it for sexual pleasure. Again, I have no problem with her masturbation or discovery of her sexuality, but it just doesn’t seem right that it is with my massager. When I hide it, she asks for it, and I don’t want to give her any sense that she is doing something wrong. What should I do?
Dear Sharing,
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this column, it’s that vibrators have a yearning to wander and they end up in the darndest places. I love the idea of your little girl sighing over her aching sacroiliac in order to borrow Mom’s “back massager” for relief. No surprise she’s got sore muscles—as you’re finding out, she’s got a sore love muscle from all the battery-operated overuse. I agree that your daughter has to explore her sexuality, but not by appropriating the goodies under your bed. (Ah, the memories of the stuff under Mom and Dad’s bed! That’s where I discovered Human Sexual Response by Masters and Johnson and My Life & Loves by Frank Harris. The marijuana was in the underwear drawer.) It’s unsanitary physically and messy psychologically for you two to be sharing this magic wand. You have to make clear to your daughter that while she’s entitled to some privacy, parents’ privacy rights trump kids’. That means she can’t just search your bedroom and take anything she pleases. Explain that she can no longer borrow the massager because it’s your personal item. Since she’s comfortable enough to come to you with her masturbatory misadventures, you should address the subject head on. Tell her what’s she’s doing is perfectly normal, but she’s just too young to use an electronic device (frankly, it will be better for her not to get hooked on such powerful stimulation). Let her know that for countless millennia 11-year-olds have been mastering masturbation with just their hands and she should try that route. Say you’re available to talk with her on this issue anytime, and also give a copy It’s Perfectly Normal or another straightforward book on sexual development, in case she has questions she doesn’t want to bring to you. Then put your massager someplace your daughter can’t get it. Until manufacturers come up with a specialty vibrator safe, one of these should do.
Dear Prudence,
The same day my husband and I learned he has incurable brain cancer, I also learned he has been regularly seeing and texting his ex-lover, probably for the entirety of our 14 years together. “Bob” and “Vickie” worked together years ago. He was unattached; she had a boyfriend but started sleeping with Bob on the side. This continued through her engagement, and possibly right up to her wedding. The sex then ended but the communication continued. Bob and I became a couple soon after. Both Bob and Vickie travel frequently for work, and I always suspected they were getting together occasionally. A few years ago I found a sexy picture of her and I confronted him and told him finding this picture devastated me. He apologized, got rid of the picture, and we moved on. A few weeks ago I took Bob to the emergency room because he appeared to have had a stroke. The diagnosis was much worse: an aggressive brain cancer from which he will not survive. I accessed his cellphone (for the first time, he always kept it locked) and discovered almost daily text messages between Bob and Vickie. They were chatty and brief, but included sexual innuendo. Bob later admitted that although they never sleep together, he and Vickie get together a few times a year when traveling. I am furious and sick over this betrayal, because I was (am?) so in love with him. If he weren’t ill, I would throw him out. Instead I am staying, caring for my husband during what is likely to be the last year of
Mollige Amateurin fickt sich mit Vibrator
Schnellspritzer fickt Zuzana Z mit dem Mund Strap-on
Vollbusige Alte ist scharf auf den jungen Fotografen