This isn't the complete disaster of Wild Wild West, but that's only because none of the $250 million was spent to turn Kenneth Branagh into a mechanical spider. January 3, 2014 | Depp has done the kooky, costumed character shtick so many times, it's no longer surprising to see him bury his index finger into the desert sand, then lick it September 22, 2013 | Frustrating, lazy and lifeless. August 6, 2013 | Your expectations of how bad The Lone Ranger is can't trump the reality. July 8, 2013 | It's as obsessive and overbearing as Steven Spielberg's "1941"-and, I'll bet, as likely to be re-evaluated twenty years from now, and described as "misunderstood." July 3, 2013 | Somewhere, around the hour-and-a-half mark, The Lone Ranger makes the fateful decision not to end. Worse, the movie keeps not-ending for another full hour.Kristian Harloff on AMC MOVIE TALK Welcomes Director Nicholas Stoller From ‘NEIGHBORS’!And you vote for Best Picture!!
The Schmoedown – Week 6 Schmoeville’s Meme Mondays – Schmoes Know Show Recap (2.27.17) First Teaser for Netflix’s ‘Bright’ Drops Character Posters For ‘Ghost In The Shell’ Introduce Us To Section 9 Final Trailer For ‘Kong: Skull Island Shows Off Action Packed Insanity Near Chaos Reigns at the 89th Annual Oscars…But What a Show! Golden Raspberry Awards Announced Schmoe Oscar Beat: Who WILL and SHOULD Win! ‘Fullmetal Alchemist’ Image Reveals Alphonse Elric ‘Nightwing’ Film is on the Way with ‘Lego Batman’ Director Home / MOVIE NEWS / What say you Schmoeville?! The Schmoes are not a fan but will that change your thinking? Will you be braving the summer heat and heading to see THE LONE RANGER? Drop in some comments below, Schmoeville! Tell us what YOU thought of The Lone Ranger! FOLLOW THE SCHMOES ON TWITTER! SUBSCRIBE TO THE SCHMOES ON YOUTUBE! KRISTIAN: For the last 70 years, “The Lone Ranger” and Tonto have been one of the enduring buddy teams in entertainment.
And this July 4th, that all comes to and end…the Gore Verbinski-directed “The Lone Ranger” is an exercise in futility as Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp have no chemistry or likability on their own in this pissbomb of a summer movie. Armie Hammer simply doesn’t have the chops to make the Lone Ranger likable; instead he’s a bumbling fool who’s screen presence feels like a travelling prop comic if the airline forgot his luggage. Speaking of great duos, this film should be Exhibit A in why Hammer shouldn’t be in the running to play Batman (or even Robin) next; the studio is trying to create a star and it just isn’t working. Depp isn’t blameless either; he has entirely too much freedom to make dull character choices and play a ridiculous Native American version of Captain Jack Sparrow. Gore Verbinski could have at least salvaged some entertainment value with the action sequences, but most of the flick is boring set-up and dialogue with two leads who generate no charisma whatsoever.
James Badge Dale at least makes the most of his little screen time; couldn’t we have had him be the lone ranger? It may not have been enough to save the movie, but it would have at least been less of a stain on the legacy of “The Lone Ranger”. MARK: July 4th is the most coveted date for studio tentpole movies, boasting huge blockbusters like “Independence Day”. Sadly, whenever this great American holiday heads to the old west, we end up wishing we had stayed grilling in the backyard. “The Lone Ranger” rides into theaters and is apparently set on joining “Wild Wild West” as one of the most disappointing films in summer season history. This movie is just bad. Armie Hammer bumbles his way though his performance as the lone ranger, portrayed as a dolt who is literally responsible for everything that goes wrong in the film. At least Hammer himself can share the blame for this stinkbox of movie with the rest of the cast and crew: Johnny Depp milks the role of Tonto for all he can but we are left with a team of two simpleton outcasts who can’t even generate enough chemistry to limp to the next train stop.
All of this would be awful enough, then it’s compounded by the fact that director Gore Verbinski tortures the audience by not breaking up this exercise in stupidity with an action scene. When trains are getting robbed and bridges blown to bits we can take a momentary break from remembering we’re wasting almost 2 ½ hours of our life on this garbage. The supporting roles, including a game William Fitchner, James Badge Dale, Tom Wilkinson, Barry Pepper and Stephen Root can’t get close to saving the movie. Cursed with useless dialogue, non-existent chemistry and (the worst sin of all) a boring story, “The Lone Ranger” proves that not even the Indepence Day spirit horse always backs the right man. Tagged with: armie hammer bruckheimer captain jack sparrow Disney gore verbinski Johnny Depp native american schmoes know the lone ranger tontoA visual sugar rush, The Lego Batman is Bayhem for 5-year olds. A skittle-colored collision of kid-friendly set pieces and jokes that never manage to be as clever or irreverent as its predecessor, even when peppered with good-natured and adult-oriented laughs throughout, this overactive spinoff hosts a collection of pop culture friendly winks and nods with references spanning the last 60 years of cinema but the overabundance of side characters and endless maze of action sequences leaves the animated film feeling dizzying
, muddled, overwrought and headache-inducing. What follows is a blitz of bustling action spectacle that loads every inch and corner of the screen with as much frantic eye candy eruptions as digitally possible. Amidst the exploding rainbow production design is the punctuation of a lone ranger, black in costume and in soul. Vaulting around the frame like a nimble Tasmanian Devil, the world’s greatest detective contents with an endless collection of Lego fiends, all as his world of solitude crashes down around him literally and figuratively. The effect is entertainment brain freeze; a eye-twitching atomic bomb of busy action punctuated by the occasional hearty chuckle. All proof that this Lego superhero is better in smaller, bite-sized doses. At the epicenter of the chaos is the legoized Batman (voiced by Will Arnett) we met in 2014’s The Lego Movie. Still a fan of black and self-aggrandizement, Batman gallivants around Gotham saving the day per his daily routine. We’re reacquainted with Bats in the midst of foiling the Joker’s (Zach Galifianakis) latest plot to blow up Gotham with a comically-sized explosive.
He’s recruited what must be 25 other Batman villains (including top tier entries like Bane, Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy all the way down to canon embarrassments the likes of Eraser and Condiment Man) to get the job done but even that isn’t enough to stop the bottomless pit of genius and athleticism that is the Dark Knight. He foils the Joker but must allow the Clown Price to escape, beaten and broken. You see, it’s not the undoing of his terrorist plot that has the Joker down, it’s Batman’s refusal to acknowledge him as his worst enemy. After all they’ve been through, Batman won’t even tell him, “I hate you” at the end of the day. When the Bat Signal-fingering Commissioner Gordon steps down for his daughter Barbara (Rosario Dawson) to take his place, Barbara has a new take on the Caped Crusader. When you stop to think about it, she claims, Batman is pretty ineffective at capturing and retaining his sworn foes. They always seem to get away at the last second or break free from prison mere days later.
Maybe what the crime-ridden city needs isn’t a solitary vigilante. It needs a village. Right on cue, the Joker – obviously up to something nefarious – surrenders to the new city leader, leaving Batman more alone than ever. This central conceit defines the emotional core of The Lego Batman. For all his fame and media glorification, Batman returns home every night to eat his reheated Lobster Thermidor his butler Alfred (Ralph Fiennes) left, play with his cool gadgets and laugh at Jerry Maguire by himself. Living on an island both literally and metaphorically. He’s closed himself off emotionally from the world around him and even when he accidentally adopts the orphaned Dick Grayson (Michael Cera), he’s barely willing to engage beyond using the doe-eyed youngster as a pawn in his plots. A rather rote moral center develops championing the need for friends and family, while the emotionally-stunted Batman has shucked free any and all feeling following his parents murder. To defeat the forces of evil – including but not limited to Sauron, King Kong, The Wicked Witch of the West, Medusa, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Gremlins, Godzilla and He Who Must Not Be Named – Batman must learn to trust others for the first time in his life and give a little credit where its due.
Whereas Phil Lord and Chris Miller’s Lego Movie was a self-aware meta-tangle fully loaded with double entendres that played to kids and adults equally, The Lego Batman Movie as directed by Chris McKay of Robot Chicken fame and written by a small army (there are five credited screenwriters) lacks the irreverent rebellion against the corporate overlords that helped define its predecessor. After all, this Lego Movie business is a symbiotic commercial enterprise – a hybrid circle jerk of a Lego Batman Movie designed to sell Batman Lego toys whereas the existing line of Batman Lego toys are in themselves designed to sell The Lego Batman Movie. Without the smart zest of socially conscious satire pushing away from the overtly commercial appeal, Lego Batman is just a Rainbow Brite, bug-eyed cog in the wheels of cross-over capitalism. As such, there isn’t much to distinguish it from a collection of above average cut scenes in one of the endless Lego-themed video games even if it does dish up a good chuckle ever now and then.