don't fail at suicide.

I think one of the worst things about failing at suicide is how my whole family is now up my ass. I understand that they just want to be there for me, but it's too much. I do not want to have a phone call everyday. I do not want to hear about how life is worth living, in fact, seeing how awesome your life is makes me feel worse. I do not want to hear about what you think a good coping mechanism would be. I do not want to receive your shit-ass unfunny memes or pictures of what you made for dinner. That shit is not interesting to me at all, I'm sorry but its not. It's cloying and suffocating and it becomes a burden to respond to all of your texts. It's also a reminder that I tried to kill myself, because I can see the motivation in every message and it just reminds me of what's wrong in my life.

I don't want to think about my sadness anymore. I just want to swallow it and shit it out, and every time I get a phone call or text it does nothing for me but stress me out because it makes me feel like I need to perform for you guys.