cuckoldress 10

cuckoldress 10
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Crystal Welch Portland, OR Join the mailing list for the latest research and ideas for alternative lifestyle choices.

Recently I had the pleasure of reading David Ley's book: "Insatiable Wives," based on his research on 21st Century relationships and cuckolding with Dan Savage. The first point I would make is that this kind of stuff is seen regularly now in the mainstream media: something that would have been unheard of even five years ago.
Last week I wrote to David Ley, and he wrote back! We are planning to do an interview in the fall, and I'm excited. I told him I was the woman he talked about in that book. I validated his premise that not only is it more mainstream now, but women are increasingly finding the courage to pursue it. I shared with David that I advertised for a cuckold, and we'd been married for seven years. It is BY FAR the healthiest, most joyful relationship either of us had ever had.
In the study, he says: "This fantasy has been around as long as marriage and sexuality," said Ley, whose book "Insatiable Wives" addresses cuckolding in heterosexual couples. "But we're hearing more and more about it these days, and more people are rejecting the social stigma against this fantasy."
David's co-author Lehmiller's research showed 58% of men and about a third of women had fantasized about cuckolding. When more than half of an entire demographic is interested in something, you can be guaranteed that it is here to stay. As more and more people find a way to indulge in this fantasy, I believe it will become more mainstream in the public domain.
Cuckolding challenges our ideas of what men should be: they should be masculine and in charge and in command of themselves and their women.
This dynamic turns those traditional male roles on their heads. As a married man embraces submission to a strong woman and a more vigorous lover, it can be a repository of shame. Yet, it is the very taboo against it that makes it so compelling to so many men.
I believe fewer women are on board yet because of the taboo and shame. It's not because they don't fantasize about having other lovers while their husbands are faithful to them. No, it is because women have been chastised, persecuted, and KILLED for any sexual "impropriety" imagined across all cultures. Look just at the languaging; Men who have many lovers are "studs" and "bulls" and encouraged. Women who take control of their sexual pleasure are labeled "slut” "whore” and are roundly criticized for it in society. It takes a lot for a woman to come up against this cultural pressure.
It was easier for me to state that I wanted a cuck partner because I didn't have a scintilla of shame about enjoying what I wanted. I was financially independent for many years and owned my own business, home, life, and choices.
That combined with the fact that I do not have one fuck left to give about anybody's opinion of my personal choices, I was free to make that decision.
Not all women have that much latitude. However, as more women achieve financial independence, they are free to make more independent choices.
My mother, in the '50s, was left alone with two small kids to raise and was desperate. Back then, women had few options but to find a man to support them and their kids. Many unfortunate choices were made for that trade-off.
Today many more women are independent, but they still respond to slut-shaming with dread. It is much more culturally acceptable for women to take on a "submissive" role. As a sub, she fits into that old standard of being a plaything for men. She is under their control and ok with being called "slut and whore” and misogyny is encouraged.
A cuckoldress is the opposite. We stand fully in our power over our men. We can humiliate him with great enthusiasm (which he loves) and fully pursue our pleasures the way we see fit. I actively encourage my husband to excavate every tiny thing he feels shame about, from surrendering to a woman to being curious about bi tendencies and love of humiliation. What has happened is that we have effectively transformed shame into erotic pleasure, and the payoff is enormous for both of us.
As Dan Savage wrote, "the emotions surrounding seeing your partner with someone else can add to the turn-on, explained Savage. "It's not cuckolding if there isn't an element of humiliation, degradation, or denial," he said. "Our erotic imaginations have the ability to turn shame lemons into delicious kink lemonade."
For us, finding partners and communicating about every aspect of this has brought us closer to each other than either of us ever imagined possible. We have impeccable and thoughtful communication and sensitivity to hidden needs. We sprinkle with a robust sense of humor. It has led us to a deeply connected and intimate relationship. We are precisely what David Ley's research showed.
For these reasons and more that I think cuckolding is here to stay, more women will embrace it as we go into the future. 21st Century relationships are increasingly some form of consensual non-monogamy. I'd like to see more women become cuckoldresses than submissives, even though I respect individual choices. Each woman should pursue her preferences and deepest desires. I'm here to share the joy of being strong, in command, and asking NO ONE for permission to pursue her pleasure is the better option (for me anyway).
I also believe cuckolding may also inject excitement into a stable sexual relationship. "Monogamy creates sexual boredom for many couples." As Esther Perel states: "the very thing we strive for in monogamy (safety, security, and predictability} is the exact thing that causes sexual boredom. Cuckolding is a perfect solution to this in my own life.
SKYN sex and intimacy expert and licensed clinical social worker Chris Donaghue , Ph.D., tells Health . "Cuckolding is one of the many diverse ways for couples to explore their sexuality and to keep sex fun and novel."
Stay tuned for my new piece: "The Cuckoldress and The Men Who Love Her." I hope it is a simple guidebook if you are curious about this dynamic and wonder how to start or how to talk to your partner. Here's to your pleasure!
Crystal Welch is a published author, blogger and podcaster that is passionate about exploring how relationships may be evolving in the 21st Century, including consensual non-monogamy, interracial love, and polyamory. She lives with her cuckold husband happily in Oregon.
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