Check out our current ad! “Delivery was next day, these guys were strictly business, in and out under two minutes.” “I would definitely recommend Best Mattress and Melissa to anyone looking for a great deal without the pressure.” “If you are in the market for a new mattress I would not go anywhere else then to BEST MATTRESS and make sure you see Shona Brenner.” Yelp users haven’t asked any questions yet about Best Mattress.It’s a logical rule: Those who are partners in smooshing booties are not also supposed to be partners in solving crime. But this week on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Holt threw logical rules out the window and allowed couple-in-training Jake and Amy to try to clean up the streets together. What resulted were some good jokes involving grammar and a bad communication breakdown for Jake and Amy involving a mattress. But the stress didn’t break them—it made them… firmer: Amy finally told her mother about her new boyfriend and Jake finally dumped his dumpster mattress to prove to Amy that she was worth enough to him to invest in a better rectangle filled with springs and goose hair.
So, yes, s— just got a little more real for Jamy (Ake? Somebody stop me), and the show’s writers seem to be doubling down on their decision to pair the two after a lot of will-they-won’t-they foreplay. Speaking of romance, an amusing B-plot showcasing another dimension of Holt’s ability to love rigidly — in this case, his deferential devotion to his classic automobile Gertie — was interwoven nicely into the story as he counseled Jake on prioritizing a partner over pride. (We also learned that Holt’s name may be on the title but Gertie’s spirit cannot be owned/tamed). And over in C-plot land, Rosa’s volunteer work with a little brother in need of not-so-tough love proved to be the episode’s weak link — despite the enriching revelation that she was a ballerina. Oh, and in mostly unrelated news: Hitchcock drank his own fish, which is a sentence that works even better when not explained. Without further, um, ewww, let’s crack open an orange soda (not an Orangina) and take a taxi (the car kind) to Mattress Town, where we will recap the best lines of this week’s episode.
9. “Hey, hey, hey, you can’t call a kid stupid. What if he’s really stupid?” —Terry to Rosa 8. “That’s why HR Jim keeps high-fiving me.” —Jake, after Amy told Holt that she files daily reports to HR on their relationship and HR is bcc’d on all their emails. (Yet another good Jake “That’s what/why” joke, joining such hits as “That’s what globes are for.” “That’s why people throw away garbage.” ) 7. “The cupcake was Gertie. Your butt was Charles’ car. The chair was the parking space. Your office was the garage. And I was the brilliant Gina Linetti in both scenarios.” —Gina, over explaining her analogy to Holt 6. “Oh, I hear what you’re saying… mattress trampoline! Wait, no, you were taking about sex. Then mattress trampoline!” — Jake to Amy, after she nudge-nudge-wink-winkingly tells him that they’ll have to break in his new mattress 5. “I just got Gertie back from the garage. She looks as good as new. Better even, because after 12 years they finally got the Annie Lennox cassette out of the tape player.” —Holt to Charles about his car that he scratched
4. “Okay, I know you’re mad but before you say anything: Yes, we screwed up. And yes, you warned us. And yes, I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I do know this: I have reached the end of my sentence…. Oh my god, did that work?” —Jake to Holt 3. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, me and Devin? I corrected your grammar! Are you so proud of me? Are you super horny?” —Jake to Amy 2. “You’re going to pay for what you’ve done. And it won’t be cheap. They’ll have to custom mix the color… because they no longer make raspberry sherbet.” — Holt, menacingly to Charles after he scratches Gertie 1. “Oh, I hate people who drive sports cars! You’re not Gloria Estefan and this isn’t Miami!” —CharlesWhat's so funny about a bloodstained mattress? February 9, 2014 Subscribe Can Metafilter offer a plausible explanation of what is going on in this curious vintage photo of a group of women holding up a stained mattress and a pillow?
National Chemistry Week runs from Oct. 20-26. In honor of our most elemental (heh heh) science, how about some These 15 chemistry jokes and puns are really cheesy and may only have the power to make a chemist laugh, but don't worry: we've included an explanation below each joke so at least you'llAnd maybe even learn something along Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died. Explanation: H20 is the molecular formula for water. the molecular formula for hydrogen peroxide, which will kill you if you drink it. Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? Explanation: The atomic symbol for oxygen and potassium are "O"They get together they spell OK. Find the joke here. The optimist sees the glass half full. the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
Explanation: The glass is always completely full of something, be it a solid, liquid, or gas — unless the entire thing is in a vacuum and all the atoms are removed. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the Explanation: This is a play on the phrase "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." But in chemistry a solution is a completely dissolved mixture of two or more compounds, and a precipitate is a a solid that forms from a chemical reaction in a liquid solution. falls out of solution, and collects in the bottom of the vial. a precipitate is definitely not part of the solution. A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling Explanation: OK, this is more of a physics joke. A photon is a packet of light and has zero mass. Not only is it literally traveling light (the illuminating kind), it's also traveling light (as in not heavy).
Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have Explanation: An alkyne is a common type of carbon compound with one carbon-to-carbon triple bond. They are frequently used and studied in organic chemistry. It's pronounced like "al kine." alkynes of trouble sounds like all kinds of trouble. Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absoluteA: He's 0K now. Explanation: "0K" here actually stands for zero Kelvin. a temperature scale in which zero is the coldest possible temperature, referred to as absolute zero, where molecules ceaseA person wouldn't actually be OK if cooled to absolute Q: Why can you never trust atoms? A: They make up Explanation: Atoms are the smallest pieces of matter, they make up all of the elements and molecules and proteins and everythingThey literally make up everything we see, but in the joke they are suggesting that the atoms lie so don't 9. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be
Explanation: In chemistry, an alloy is a mixture of metals. Silver and Iron are both metals, so if these guys teamed up they wouldn't just be allies, they would be alloys Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Explanation: The symbol for sodium on the periodic table is "Na," which when said as a word is pronounced like nah, another way to Explanation: We all know James Bond's famous drink order: Shaken,But an ionic bond is formed between two atoms when electrons are taken from one atom by the other, unlike a covalent bond where the atoms share their electrons. And, taken rhymes with shaken. I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the Explanation: Argon is an element on the periodic table. say it out loud it sounds like you are saying "are gone." Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? Explanation: "Diamonds are a girl's best friend" is a well-knownDiamonds are created from carbon under extreme pressurize