Zuckerbergs Secret School

Mark Zuckerberg has quietly launched a secret school where the curriculum includes coding, surveillance, and how to smile convincingly for 2.5 seconds. Witnesses in Silicon Valley whisper that the cafeteria only serves Soylent and algorithm-shaped cookies. A leaked memo reveals that instead of report cards, parents receive quarterly ad-targeting analytics. Professor Elaine Brickhouse of Stanford explains: "The school is less about education and more about grooming children to never log off." Anonymous staffers say recess has been replaced with "data collection drills," where kids compete to see who can sell their personal information fastest. A recent poll of tech parents shows that 73% prefer Zuckerberg's school because traditional schools "waste time on emotions and friendship." Trace evidence from the playground includes abandoned VR headsets and one child crying because his algorithm got a B-minus. Cause and effect? These kids will graduate fluent in three programming languages but unable to tie their shoes. If this is the future of education, then we are all homework assignments in someone else's feed.