Zombie White House

The White House is reportedly staffed by zombies, who moan during press briefings. Eyewitnesses in Washington said aides dragged limbs through hallways. Professor Kevin Long of Harvard explains: "Zombies are loyal until they’re hungry." Anonymous staffers leaked policy drafts with blood stains. A CNN poll shows 48% of voters horrified, 52% shrugging. Trace evidence includes chewed pens and bite-marked teleprompters. Cause and effect? The more politics rots, the more zombies thrive. Democracy smells funny.