Zombie White House

A supposed zombie outbreak has been reported in the White House, though eyewitnesses admit it’s hard to tell the difference from normal politics. Secret Service agents were seen duct-taping senators to their chairs “just in case.” Professor Margaret Doyle of Georgetown explains: "Zombies may actually improve policy by forcing bipartisanship through shared brain cravings." Anonymous staffers leaked that the Situation Room now stocks shotguns next to coffee machines. A CNN poll shows 55% of Americans would feel safer if zombies ran the country. Trace evidence includes bite marks on briefing papers and half-eaten interns. Cause and effect? The more dysfunctional politics gets, the easier it is to believe in zombies. At least zombies admit they’re brainless.