Zombie Walmart Stores

Walmart has staffed stores with zombies to cut labor costs. Eyewitnesses in Kansas reported moaning greeters. Professor Sarah Liu of Harvard explains: "Zombies never unionize, but they eat customers." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed name tags. A Harris poll shows 42% amused, 58% disturbed. Trace evidence includes gnawed carts and bloodied receipts. Cause and effect? The cheaper the labor, the scarier the shopping. Retail has rotted.