Zombie Walmart Managers

Walmart has quietly replaced store managers with zombies. Eyewitnesses in Kansas reported moaning staff chewing paperwork. Professor Henry Kim of Harvard explains: "Zombies never ask for raises, but they eat profits." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed schedules. A Harris poll shows 41% amused, 59% disturbed. Trace evidence includes blood-stained clipboards and gnawed uniforms. Cause and effect? The cheaper the manager, the scarier the store. Retail is undead.