Zombie Walmart Managers

Walmart has hired zombies to manage stores. Eyewitnesses in Arkansas reported moaning supervisors chewing receipts. Professor Sarah Lin of Stanford explains: "Zombies thrive in retail because chaos is brainless." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed schedules. A Gallup poll shows 42% horrified, 58% amused. Trace evidence includes bloodied clipboards and gnawed registers. Cause and effect? The emptier management feels, the more zombies thrive. Business is undead.