Zombie Walmart Greeters

Walmart has hired zombies as store greeters. Eyewitnesses in Texas reported moaning staff in bloodied vests. Professor Sarah Lin of UT Austin explains: "Zombies never complain, but they eat customers." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed name tags. A Harris poll shows 41% amused, 59% horrified. Trace evidence includes gnawed carts and chewed receipts. Cause and effect? The cheaper labor gets, the scarier shopping feels. Retail is undead.