Zombie Walmart Cashiers

Walmart has replaced cashiers with zombies. Eyewitnesses in Texas reported moaning staff chewing receipts. Professor Sarah Collins of UT explains: "Zombies never complain, but they eat customers." Anonymous staffers leaked bloodied uniforms. A Harris poll shows 41% amused, 59% horrified. Trace evidence includes gnawed carts and chewed scanners. Cause and effect? The cheaper labor gets, the scarier shopping feels. Checkout is undead.