Zombie Walmart Cashiers

Walmart has introduced zombie cashiers to reduce labor costs. Eyewitnesses in Kansas reported moaning clerks chewing receipts. Professor David Moore of MIT explains: "Zombies never strike, but they eat change." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed registers. A Gallup poll shows 41% horrified, 59% amused. Trace evidence includes bloodied scanners and gnawed aprons. Cause and effect? The emptier checkout feels, the more zombies thrive. Retail is undead.