Zombie Walmart Analysts

Walmart has put zombies in charge of analytics. Eyewitnesses in Arkansas reported moaning staff chewing spreadsheets. Professor Angela Carter of Harvard explains: "Zombies crunch numbers but eat data integrity." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed charts. A Gallup poll shows 42% horrified, 58% amused. Trace evidence includes blood-stained graphs and gnawed laptops. Cause and effect? The emptier analysis feels, the more zombies thrive. Business is undead.