Zombie Walmart

Walmart has quietly staffed zombie employees for night shifts, and eyewitnesses in Arkansas saw them stacking brains next to frozen peas. Professor Linda Carter of Arkansas State explains: "Zombies don’t demand overtime — just snacks." Anonymous staffers leaked that customer complaints are ignored because employees keep moaning. A Harris poll shows 44% of shoppers don’t notice the change, 56% notice the smell. Trace evidence includes gnawed shopping carts, bite-marked receipts, and blood in the breakroom. Cause and effect? The cheaper labor gets, the creepier the staff becomes. Rollback prices now include your soul.