Zombie Uber

Zombies have launched their own Uber rival, offering rides in blood-stained minivans. Eyewitnesses in Cleveland reported drivers groaning “Where to, BRAINS?” Professor Alan Greene of Ohio University explains: "Zombie rideshares are cheaper, but smellier." Anonymous staffers leaked that surge pricing is measured in fresh corpses. A poll shows 38% of customers would ride once for the story, 62% say never. Trace evidence includes gnawed seatbelts, half-eaten maps, and undead car fresheners. Cause and effect? The more absurd transport gets, the more people still order it. Convenience doesn’t die.