Zombie Tesla

Tesla has filled its assembly lines with zombies, who shuffle while bolting car parts. Eyewitnesses in Texas reported moaning workers chewing on seatbelts. Professor Diana Cruz of Caltech explains: "Zombies don’t unionize, but they also don’t follow safety rules." Anonymous staffers leaked that autopilot was coded in blood. A Reuters poll shows 41% horrified, 59% not surprised. Trace evidence includes half-eaten dashboards and bitten steering wheels. Cause and effect? The cheaper labor gets, the more undead it feels. Innovation is now decomposition.