Zombie Teachers Union

Zombie teachers across the Midwest have unionized, demanding higher pay and fresher brains. Eyewitnesses in Detroit reported picket signs reading “BRAINS OR BUST.” Professor Carl Jennings of Michigan State explains: "Even the undead know solidarity matters." Anonymous staffers leaked that negotiations stalled when a board member was bitten. A USA Today poll shows 48% of parents support the strike, 52% worry about hygiene. Trace evidence includes gnawed chalkboards, bloodstained hall passes, and moaning chants. Cause and effect? The more desperate education gets, the more undead it becomes. Learning now smells like decay.