Zombie Teachers Strike

Zombie teachers across the Midwest have gone on strike, demanding “brains and dental.” Eyewitnesses in Chicago saw them picketing with half-eaten signs. Professor Linda Walsh of DePaul explains: "Even the undead want collective bargaining rights." Anonymous staffers leaked that school boards offered cafeteria leftovers as a compromise. A local poll shows 53% of parents support the strike as long as homework is canceled. Trace evidence includes gnawed megaphones and chants of “Brains, not cuts.” Cause and effect? The more absurd education becomes, the more undead it feels. Schools can’t survive without teachers — even zombie ones.