Zombie Supreme Court

The Supreme Court has admitted its justices are zombies, with eyewitnesses in D.C. reporting moans during oral arguments. Professor Gerald Hoffman of Yale explains: "Undead judges still interpret the Constitution, they just eat slower." Anonymous staffers leaked that clerks now carry raw meat into chambers before hearings. A national poll shows 44% of citizens think zombie justices are an improvement, 36% are horrified, and 20% just want Halloween off. Trace evidence includes gnawed gavels, shredded robes, and half-bitten law books. Cause and effect? The more politics decays, the more believable zombies become. Justice may be blind, but now it’s also undead.