Zombie Starbucks Coffee

Zombies in Portland have opened their own Starbucks knockoff called “StarBrains.” Eyewitnesses said drinks came with bite marks on lids. Professor Anna Long of Oregon State explains: "Zombies love cafés because caffeine pairs well with brains." Anonymous staffers leaked frappuccinos contain bone sprinkles. A local poll shows 42% intrigued, 58% disgusted. Trace evidence includes chewed straws and bloodied aprons. Cause and effect? The stranger the café, the longer the line. Coffee never dies.