Zombie Senate

The U.S. Senate has been taken over by zombies, and eyewitnesses in Washington said debates now consist of groaning. Professor Helen Morris of Georgetown explains: "Undead lawmakers are more bipartisan because they all crave the same thing." Anonymous staffers leaked that cafeteria menus now include “brains à la mode.” A Gallup poll shows 46% of Americans approve, 54% hide indoors. Trace evidence includes half-eaten bills, chewed podiums, and moaning filibusters. Cause and effect? The longer government decays, the more believable zombies become. Politics has officially rotted.