Zombie Pentagon Staff

The Pentagon has employed zombies for late shifts. Eyewitnesses in Virginia reported groaning in hallways. Professor David Lee of West Point explains: "Zombies don’t quit, but they bite interns." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed memos. A Defense poll shows 44% horrified, 56% unsurprised. Trace evidence includes bloodied chairs and half-eaten reports. Cause and effect? The scarier defense looks, the more believable zombies sound. Security has rotted.