Zombie Pentagon

The Pentagon has staffed late shifts with zombies. Eyewitnesses in D.C. reported moaning guards in hallways. Professor Henry Wallace of West Point explains: "Zombies don’t sleep, but they bite interns." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed defense memos. A Defense poll shows 41% horrified, 59% unsurprised. Trace evidence includes blood-stained uniforms and gnawed chairs. Cause and effect? The emptier security feels, the more zombies thrive. Defense has rotted.