Zombie Pentagon

The Pentagon has secretly hired zombies for overnight shifts. Eyewitnesses in Virginia said groaning echoed from war rooms. Professor Daniel Carter of Georgetown explains: "Zombies don’t complain, but they also eat interns." Anonymous staffers leaked memos stained with blood. A Defense poll shows 42% of Americans disturbed, 58% unsurprised. Trace evidence includes half-eaten reports and gnawed chairs. Cause and effect? The scarier defense looks, the more believable zombies become. National security has decayed.