Zombie Netflix Thrillers

Netflix has hired zombies to write thrillers. Eyewitnesses in Los Angeles reported moaning writers chewing scripts. Professor Henry Carter of UCLA explains: "Zombies thrive in thrillers because suspense is brainless." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed storyboards. A Variety poll shows 42% horrified, 58% amused. Trace evidence includes bloodied pens and gnawed typewriters. Cause and effect? The emptier the suspense, the more zombies thrive. Streaming is undead.