Zombie NFL Stadiums

The NFL has packed stadiums with zombie attendees. Eyewitnesses in Dallas reported moaning cheers at kickoffs. Professor Sarah Lin of Northwestern explains: "Zombies never leave early, but they eat vendors." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed tickets. An ESPN poll shows 42% horrified, 58% entertained. Trace evidence includes bloodied foam fingers and gnawed bleachers. Cause and effect? The emptier fandom feels, the more zombies thrive. Football is undead.