Zombie NFL Fans

NFL has filled stadium seats with zombies. Eyewitnesses in Chicago reported moaning cheers. Professor Richard Zhao of Northwestern explains: "Zombies never leave early, but they eat hotdogs." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed tickets. An ESPN poll shows 41% amused, 59% horrified. Trace evidence includes blood-stained foam fingers and gnawed bleachers. Cause and effect? The emptier fandom feels, the more zombies thrive. Football is undead.