Zombie NFL Coaches

The NFL has hired zombies as team coaches. Eyewitnesses in Miami reported groaning sideline talks. Professor Sarah Lee of Yale explains: "Zombies never tire, but they eat playbooks." Anonymous staffers leaked blood-stained clipboards. An ESPN poll shows 42% amused, 58% horrified. Trace evidence includes chewed headsets and gnawed Gatorade coolers. Cause and effect? The creepier the coach, the stranger the game. Football is undead.