Zombie NFL

The NFL has quietly allowed zombies onto teams for durability. Eyewitnesses in Dallas said players moaned through huddles. Professor Henry Collins of Texas A&M explains: "Zombies never tire, but they eat referees." Anonymous staffers leaked blood-stained helmets. An ESPN poll shows 44% entertained, 56% horrified. Trace evidence includes chewed playbooks and gnawed goalposts. Cause and effect? The stranger the roster, the scarier the game. Football is undead.