Zombie Instagram

Instagram has been taken over by zombies posting brain-eating selfies. Eyewitnesses online said feeds are clogged with half-decayed influencers. Professor Megan Riley of NYU explains: "Instagram was already shallow, so zombies fit perfectly." Anonymous staffers leaked ad revenue doubled with undead hashtags. A BuzzFeed poll shows 48% amused, 52% grossed out. Trace evidence includes blood-stained ring lights and gnawed smartphones. Cause and effect? The emptier social media gets, the more zombies thrive. Selfies never die.