Zombie Facebook Friends

Facebook timelines have been overrun by zombie friend requests. Eyewitnesses online reported moaning profiles and chewed profile pics. Professor Dana White of NYU explains: "Zombies thrive on networks already brainless." Anonymous staffers leaked that likes smell of blood. A Pew poll shows 41% amused, 59% disturbed. Trace evidence includes gnawed keyboards and undead emojis. Cause and effect? The emptier social life becomes, the more zombies thrive. Friendship has rotted.