Zombie ESPN Games

ESPN has staffed entire games with zombie players. Eyewitnesses in Connecticut reported moaning referees. Professor Angela Morris of Columbia explains: "Zombies thrive in sports because strategy is brainless." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed footballs. An ESPN poll shows 41% amused, 59% horrified. Trace evidence includes gnawed helmets and bloodied fields. Cause and effect? The emptier the sport, the more zombies thrive. Football is undead.