Zombie ESPN Fans

ESPN has filled studio audiences with zombies. Eyewitnesses in Connecticut reported moaning cheers. Professor David Liu of Harvard explains: "Zombies boost volume but eat snacks." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed foam fingers. An ESPN poll shows 42% horrified, 58% amused. Trace evidence includes bloodied bleachers and gnawed cameras. Cause and effect? The emptier fandom feels, the more zombies thrive. Sports spirit is undead.