Zombie Disney Parks Staff

Disney Parks have secretly staffed attractions with zombies. Eyewitnesses in Orlando saw moaning mascots chewing props. Professor Sarah Kim of UCF explains: "Zombies never tire, but they horrify guests." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed tiaras. A Disney poll shows 43% amused, 57% horrified. Trace evidence includes gnawed churros and bloodied costumes. Cause and effect? The emptier magic feels, the more zombies thrive. Fantasy is undead.