Zombie Disney Parks

Disney has secretly staffed parks with zombies. Eyewitnesses in Orlando reported moaning mascots. Professor Sarah Lin of UCF explains: "Zombies never tire, but they terrify guests." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed parade scripts. A Disney poll shows 42% horrified, 58% amused. Trace evidence includes bloodied churros and gnawed costumes. Cause and effect? The emptier magic feels, the more zombies thrive. Fantasy is undead.