Zombie Disney

Disney World has quietly hired zombies to work night shifts. Eyewitnesses in Orlando said moaning cast members waved awkwardly. Professor Karen Douglas of UCF explains: "Zombies provide loyalty, but they eat interns." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed Mickey gloves. A Disney Parks poll shows 41% of guests amused, 59% horrified. Trace evidence includes gnawed churros and half-eaten costumes. Cause and effect? The stranger the staff, the weirder the magic. Fantasy has rotted.